First post here (24f). I just can't shake the feeling I'm permanently socially stunted. I was homeschooled before I made it to first grade. I think for my siblings and me, this may have been the worst start to life that we possibly could have had. As it is now, I think I'm in a decent spot. I'm getting my associate's degree next week, I have a long-term boyfriend, I got my license last year, and I FINALLY got my first job. Even with all this, I just can't help but notice how awkward and anxious I am compared to everyone else. I have so much trouble making friends, I'm too shy to really even try. I'm lucky that I get along with everyone I meet pretty well, but my social skills really do leave a lot to be desired.
I was one of those kids raised by "relaxed" homeschooling parents, which really meant I was sequestered off to my room with no education and really nothing to do. I went to homeschool co-ops once a week for like 2-3 hours, but that was about all the social interaction I got. And then I ended up not being a part of a co-op at all from the age of like 14 forward. It was absolute isolation outside of my one long-distance friend. Now, I am beyond socially anxious/awkward; it's miserable. The awkwardness has gotten better over time. I'm not quite as socially lost as I was when I first started going to college, but the anxiety has only intensified.
It sucks because I actually like talking to people, and I like being around other people. I actually really enjoy small talk, and I love my art classes because I get to just sit and yap with my peers. I like people. I just wish I knew how to, like, make friends. I can make it to the friendly-acquaintance stage and then I hit some anxiety-driven wall, and I just can't get past it. I'm worried I'm gonna be this way forever. I think my upbringing did a number on me. I'm frustrated. Sometimes I wish I could get a do-over. I'm socially stunted, and I know it, and everyone around me can tell. I don't think there's any fixing it at this point. I just keep pushing forward and hope I can be a sociable person in the future. I think that ship has sailed for me, though. I spent the majority of my life in my bedroom, alone. As much as I loathe to think it, I'm pretty sure I'll be playing catch-up on social skills for the rest of my life. I wish I could've just been placed in school like everyone else my age. I think it would have saved me so much strife.