For years I have been trying to understand what is wrong with me. Despite being gifted (will mention a little later also), I have somehow weak and lazy brain, it is extremely difficult for me to force my brain to think. It is so lazy it automatically shuts down when reading things and etc, looking for instant ready answers and not thinking by itself. Even if I try to force myself to think it would be extremely difficult process, slow disorganized way of thoughts rambling all over and brain suffering every second trying to surrender and just stop. I do not know how my brain is so weak.
I have mind fog, extreme memory problems forgetting things intantly, my memory just clearing itself and many common symptoms people write. But I think I have more, somehow brain having low stamina or idk.
It is like I can only do and understand simple things, not difficult ones. I can never ever think of something clever, an idea to beat someone. Am I mentally retarded or what. Just what is it. What is wrong with my brain. Games, movies, scenarios, everything seems so complex for my brain which people get instantly and I could only understand if I pause and force my brain to somehow logically think for several minutes but it is extremely draining and terrible process. I have been like this for years. Do I have early Alzheimers/Dementia? I am in my 20s. It would be so early. What the hell is this. I also had a theory of my brain having some mutations from complex trauma and unhealthy environment and becoming this weak not being able to do anything
One remark I also have is that I am extremelly gifted and dumb at the same time. Let me explain. Spontaneously I have no wit, my brain just shutting down and so weak to do anything. Every quick thinking is so much burden brain just can not handle. No one is like that. But if I think for a long period of time I can think wonders. I have been gifted from childhood, enormous mathematical capabilities. But as trauma increased and untreated brain disorder, attention and memory problems, everything became terrible. I usually have lack of ideas, can not think of something and that became much much worse.
When I have to think it is an extreme burden for my brain. Even if I do, I noticed that it is somehow abnormally slow. What I mean is I observed I need 5 minutes for 30 second chess puzzle. I do not know why. I just look at the board and until I understand things and until any correct idea comes to my mind lots of time passes. No one I know or over the internet seen by me is like that. I do not know the reason. In games I always play 30 minutes and even that time is not enough. I constantly run out of time. My opponents need 5-10 seconds for each move and make much more clever ones whereas I need 3-10 minutes to somehow sink the board and calculations in my brain and do something but what I noticed is I am so mentally retarded I never have any strategy or clever idea or anything, I just play. Mostly I lose because of my time running out. If I try to get even a little quicker I blunder instantly. Just what is wrong with me I do not know
I do not think in childhood my brain was like that. I could play chess, did extremely well at neuropsychological test when I was 6, doctor said I had a mind of 14 year old or something, I looked at photos and could think of things. But as I grew older I developed thinking trauma. Then avoided every game and mental activity for years. And made my brain dead.
I have always feared iq tests when I grew up. I watched at questions and did not come up with anything at all and the thinking process was a terrible burden for my brain. I got huge anxiety and everything.
This brain dysfunction interferes with my whole life. I am so mentally retarded I can not do anything. My brain is so dysfunctional any entertainment or activity is impossible. I suffer so so much I had enough now, I just want to know what is wrong with me.
Is anyone like that? I genuinely have this question because I have not found anyone talking about this specific topic. Does this issue exist and does it have a name, what is it I want to know what's wrong with me. Do I have Alzheimers or brain mutations or just my brain is like that. Is it curable