This might run a little long, so quick tldr:
I, F16 want advice on being in the middle between two families with different ideas on how my life should go short term.
Background:
I (F16) have and always have has a 50/50 custody split between my mother and stepfathers where I have one (half) sister (F5), and my father and stepmothers where I have three (also half) sisters (F11, F9, F7)
My parents divorced when I was 10 months old due to a complicated series of events that don’t need to be explained in detail and both remarried around the time I was four, but the long and short is that my father hates my stepfathers guts, my mother and father don’t talk unless they’re at mediation, and my whole childhood has had a lot of conflict.
Recently, I’ve been having some issues as I’ve gotten older about my life, my school, ect, and I’m looking for advice from people who aren’t just enthusiastic yes-men like most of my friends and who will also hopefully point out where I’m going wrong.
Situation one: I want a job. My mothers house is very supportive of this so long as it doesn’t interfere with my school, and I really crave financial independence because I don’t like asking for and not having money and I know it’ll look good on my college applications. My father’s house vetoed my plan and said that “any money I made as a teenager would be irrelevant and they needed me around the house more.” My father is a doctor so money over there isn’t really a concern and they gave me a debit card I’m not supposed to tell my mother about “to make things easier,” and i definitely feel bad about telling her but it’s not worth the consequences of doing so. They put money on it for specific things like if I’m buying me and my sister dinner when I pick her up from sports practices or I need money for gas for the car they let me use to drive up and back to school, but otherwise I’d really love to get a job and no matter how I present my reasons, I can’t seem to help them see my side. Additionally, my mother understands that I’m in a difficult position but maintains that I need to earn my money, which I totally understand, but it means that I essentially have no money over there.
Situation 2: family trips
My father’s house has always been big on trips, and i really appreciate them for the opportunities they’ve given me, but they like to pull me out of school for them. I’m a sophomore in high school right now, and there were no big trips this year but next year they plan to take me to Disney world for eleven days, pulling me out of school for seven. I’m in two APs now with a 4.0 and I’ll be in four next year, and to be honest, I don’t think that I can really afford to intentionally miss any days of school while maintaining my GPA. My mother agrees with me and says that the decision is up to me because I have a history of prioritizing school. She trusts me to know how to deal with the situation best and says she’ll do what I need her to do, even if that means fighting about it in mediation, but Id really rather it not get to that point. My arguments to my father and stepmother don’t seem to be getting through because “I’m a smart kid,“ “one B isn’t the end of the world,“ and “I only have a few years left to spend with my sisters.”
Situation 3: emotional labor
My father and step have never been very emotionally affirming, and I always had my mother to talk to, but my sisters (11, 9, and 7) don’t have that luxury, so I’ve worked hard to help provide it to them. I’m the nightmare person when I’m there, I resolve conflicts, and I babysit quite a bit, which they love. Their health and safety doesn’t depend on me and right now during exam season Im not doing nearly as much as i usually do, but my father and stepmother don’t really play with them much so I do normally do quite a bit to make sure they’re not rotting on YouTube all day. My mother knows and doesn’t like it, but also understands. I’m trying to figure out how to both shelter them from potential conflict with my parents over there and talk to them about how it’ll go when I move out, but I’m not really sure where to start and I don’t want to force my 11 year old sister into my shoes.
Any advice (or criticism) is appreciated! Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling; I’m on a phone.