Extra Spicy Chicken Sandwich
This is probably the most ridiculous instance of my life thus far.
It was 2016 in Seattle and I was working for a company that was cosponsoring a medical device related conference. The evening before the last day I went out to eat with a coworker at a BBQ place called Pecos Pit. At the time I was in the throes of my “I love spicy food” phase. I ordered a pulled chicken sandwich and asked for the “extra spicy” option. It was a great sandwich and definitely tested my tolerance for spicy food. The next day I worked the conference and after packing up I started to walk to where my Jeep was parked. The hotel parking was ridiculous so we were told to park a few blocks away under a shopping center. About one block into my walk.. something gurgled and moved inside my gut. I instantly felt like I was going to shit my pants at any moment. I managed to get to my Jeep in the underground parking garage. I can’t remember what my plan was but I had no choice but to hunch over in front of my rig and let the disaster fly. At least there was a wall there and my Jeep was partially blocking anyone from seeing me. As I’m scrambling to try and clean myself up and change my clothes.. a security guard just happens to walk by as I’m standing outside the Jeep with my pants still down and a towel in my hand. I blurt out, sorry just need to change real quick. He responded by telling me to go use the shopping centers bathroom above us. I hurry and start working my way upstairs to that area and run into someone I know and totally blow them off as they try and stop to have a conversation. At this point I am still extremely gross and need to clean up asap. I made it to the bathroom on the 4th floor and I walk into the bathroom and see feet in all three stalls.. it was weird because it was completely silent. “Three dudes just sitting there taking their time”, is what I thought. So I’m standing at the urinal with paper towels trying to clean up. At that moment the door opens up and there’s a guy with a cart saying he needs to clean the bathroom and to go across the 4th floor to the other bathroom. Once again I pull up my pants real quick and walk my shit ass across to the other bathroom. I finally get in a stall and within a minute the door opens and someone goes into the stall right next to me. I see the boots and notice they are the same boots I saw in the other bathroom. I didn’t really think anything other than noticing it’s the same shoes and probably the same guy. As I’m cleaning I notice a shadow being cast on the ground and repetitive movement. Just like you would imagine if someone was jerking off and you could see the shadow. I also notice a rectangle shape and figure out it’s this guys phone and he’s moving it all around like he was in some kind of production studio trying to get the best shot. I hurry up and finish cleaning myself up and I’m annoyed this guy was taking up a stall in the other bathroom and then decided to come over and do his weird shit right next to me. As I’m washing my hands I notice the trash can and remember a prank my high-school wrestling team would do on guys shitting in the locker room. I take the full can and dump it over the stall all over the public jerk off artist. He screams and I hall ass out of there.. I could still hear his “what the fucks” and yelling ass I’m booking it down the escalators.
Anyways.. that’s was a weird 45 mins