This happened in college, 2019–2020, right around when my university started using Grubhub for on-campus dining. They linked meal plans to the app so you could order from places like Chick-fil-A, Panera, Subway, Panda Express, Canes, etc., right from your phone.

Well, after the first week, something broke. The app stopped deducting anything from my meal plan. I could order unlimited food. And oh boy, I went feral with it.

I didn’t spend a single dollar on food for nearly 2 years. (Aside from restaurants and alcohol ) I ate like royalty—ordering multiple full meals a day, grabbing food for friends, strangers, anyone near me. One time I picked up 9 full-sized Panda Express plates for everyone I was hanging out with. My sister would visit and we’d hit up Denny’s and order 3 meals each, splitting everything and still leaving with leftovers.

It became a regular thing. Panera, Subway, Canes, Starbucks, Sushi, Pizza Hut—you name it, I was getting it and getting it for free. When I became a junior, I got the meal plan again just to see if the glitch still worked. It did.

Eventually, they started catching on and patched it… kinda. All the places stopped working except Panera. So I spent my last few weeks going absolutely nuts at Panera. Didn’t know what soup to get? Got them all. Couldn’t decide on a sandwich? Got both. Bagels for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No regrets.

It was the most legendary food hack of my life and I think about it.

A while back I was broke, hungry, and desperate. I’d already burned through all the obvious free food hacks Costco samples, hotel lobbies, church potlucks. Then I had the dumbest idea that somehow… worked.

Every morning, I’d just… walk into random houses around my neighborhood. Not breaking in or anything just slipping in when a door was ajar, or when a garage was open, or I’d follow a dad grabbing the paper and just nod like I belonged. The trick was confidence.

I’d head straight to the kitchen, mumble a casual morning, and sit down like I’d been living there my whole life. Pancakes? Eggs? Toast? Whatever was on the table, I was eating it. Nobody ever questioned me. Families just assumed I was, like, a cousin, a visiting exchange student, or maybe their kid’s weird new friend who crashed the night.

I got so good at blending in I even developed roles. In one house, I was quiet guy who drinks black coffee. In another, I was the cousin who doesn’t talk much but always grabs extra toast. I once buttered six biscuits in silence while an entire family argued about carpool schedules, and not a single person looked twice at me.

Best part? People actually offered me stuff to take for later. A juice box, a granola bar, a leftover cinnamon roll. It was like meal prep without the prep.

For about a month, breakfast was covered. Every time I smell maple syrup now, my brain immediately goes back to nervously buttering toast while pretending to be Uncle Jeff’s nephew from Ohio.

What a time.

Last year I was working the holidays not many of the technical staff were in, so I used the time to catch up on some clerical work when I heard the ping of the pre-alarm of a fire sensor. If only one sensor triggers, you get a minute to reset in case of a false alarm.

I go over to the control panel to halt the alarm and call the kitchen up. They apologize, yada yada, they will not do it again... Satisfied with my victory, I decided it was time for a break and getting paid for what I do best.

As I was doing my business, once again I heard this distinguished ping....

Should I have waited five minutes to make sure they are not triggering it again? Yes.

Could I have run out of the bathroom with the moon in full shine and let my cheeks butter each other up in brown dough to stop the alarm? Yes.

Could I have pulled my clothes up and swamped my pants? Yes.

Could I have cleaned myself vigorously and quickly while trying to maintain some kind of dignity and reach the panel in Time? Maybe... I decided I wasn't paid enough for that and let the alarm go live.

The cost of the fire department to look around is ~3k (not the first time this happened), and with the partial evacuation from the alarm, it was probably more than a 3k break...

I only feel bad that the firefighters had to waste their time with this they have better things to do.