My friend thinks her feelings are more valuable
I’m here today because my friend Leo(21f) of 12 years is upset with me. This started because her mom was admitted into the hospital for a UTI. She called me upset about it and of course I felt really bad. I tried to comfort her in every way possible except for visiting in person. I did try texting her if I could visit her when she was admitted, but she didn’t respond back. I took this as she wanted space to process everything that was going on. Every week or two I would ask for an update, she would give me short responses. She finally told me that she was back home and was stable, so I felt relieved and figured things went back to normal.
Later on she asked me how I was doing about 2 weeks after her mom was out of the hospital? I replied with “ I’m very exhausted! My daughter thats 1 1/2 is sick and so am I. She’s been screaming crying for 4 days straight with no sleep.” She apologized and said that sounds awful and I said, it’s okay.” So i followed up with asking how her mom was doing and to see if I can come visit them. I told her Monday,Tuesday or Wednesday could work. At first we scheduled for Monday, but plans fell through on my end because my daughter was still sick and I was dealing with my chronic insomnia. I didn’t feel up to driving that day, so I asked if we could move it to Wednesday because my mother-in-law would be watching my daughter? She got upset i believe because she didn’t give me a yes or no answer. So I asked, is that a no? That’s when she said no.
Moving forward a week later I asked again how her mom was doing. She then said,” come see for yourself.” This really made me upset because I felt like I was trying to make an effort to come see them and she turned me down. I just tried to brush it off and ask if I can come over on Mother’s Day and to drop off some flowers? All she said is what time would you be there. I said, is it okay to come by at 6 or 7pm? Three hours later no response from her. So I figured that I would just drop the flowers off on the porch, so I’m still following through with my word. This pissed her off even worse! She told me that I’m not making an effort to be her friend after all she’s been through because I didn’t knock to say hi. I admit maybe I should have tried knocking or something, but I didn’t want to ruin any Mother’s Day plans if they had any. She never responded to my text saying it was okay, so I figured that’s the best option at the time. I feel like my efforts weren’t seen and that I was trying even though I haven’t been sleeping. I got maybe an hour of sleep the day I dropped the flowers off.
I apologized for upsetting her and that it wasn’t my intentions. I just felt like I was getting mixed signals. One day she doesn’t want me over and now she’s upset that I didn’t knock. She’s now texting me that she thinks I hangout with our other friend Tess (21f) more and how she’s never involved, and I always have time for her which is not the case at all. I don’t even have time for myself…let alone another friend. My other friend is always driving to me and asking if she can hangout. So, I say that’s fine because there’s no driving involved with it.
The thing with that is I’m always driving to my friend Leo’s house and I always try and make it so that my daughter is watched when I’m hanging out with her that way we get more one on one quality time. With my friend Tess, I can’t even remember the last time I went to her place in person or when we had one on one quality time. That’s why I’m just highly confused? I tried calling her so we can resolve this, but she’s not responding to me. I’m not exactly sure how we are to resolve the matter if we don’t communicate.
I’m just realizing that I should try and be more involved with Tess, because it’s one sided. I’m just not sure what more I can do to reassure my friend Leo that I’m doing the best I can to be there. It’s hard because my daughter is hasn’t been sleeping through the night since she was a preemie. Medically, I believe there is something wrong with my daughter and her sleep is so bad that it caused my body to not sleep. I feel like I’m drowning, and maybe that’s why my friend Leo doesn’t feel involved anymore. I’m not sure