u/Andandromeda3821

My daughter is 9. She has these moments sometimes where she suddenly “can’t” do the said task for whatever reason. The example today is she “couldn’t” carry her backpack. She asked if I could carry it for her. In these moments if don’t go ahead and do whatever it is there are HUGE meltdowns. Other examples “Will you please put my folder back in my backpack?” This one is after getting done with her homework. Or “Will you please get me the towel off the hook ?” After the bath. All of those seem relatively reasonable but we are wanting her to do things by herself. Especially the backpack and folder one is at the request of her teacher. Her teacher says she needs to take responsibility for her own work and her own backpack. The teacher is having issues with her being able to complete tasks independently. Today it was a massive show getting the backpack to the car. Huge meltdown and it absolutely ruined the morning. She wouldn’t let me give her a hug goodbye. With all the small tasks I know it’s things she can do but she digs her heels in and always has some reason why she can’t do it. So my question is- would you do the small tasks or is it better to try to push and make her do them herself even if it means meltdown? Also for context we are new to the ADHD thing. The same teacher is the one pushing for us to get a diagnosis (and man is she pushing). We are working on that part but she is not diagnosed.