u/Ancient_panda8771

Original post link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/uWUqLWTazA

I (31F) want to thank everyone for all the responses. It was insanely eye opening for what’s truly happening in my marriage with my husband(32M)

I want to clear things up about my OCD. I want to really address the fact that I have done a lot of therapy work for my OCD and where it is now is NO WHERE near how bad it was and it doesn’t mean that it’s all good by all means I’m obviously not “healed” and I need to do more work. And I want to address there was only one other trigger like this and it was me going to the place he stays in during commuting for work. The toilet was next to a wall and there were pee splashes and drips ALL over that wall. And that was the only time I had a big trigger like that because regardless of OCD it is so gross. And I think the toilet being clogged made me fear my husband wouldn’t care about it or notice it same way he didn’t notice that bathroom he was using for months and that is probably why I wasn’t comfortable letting him do it.

Second thing is yes I am planning to leave him. I currently don’t have the ability financially to move out or even get a divorce. I’m planning on doing it and building up savings and as soon as I am able I will be out. The situation is worse than I mentioned due to MANY other incidents but I will spare the details about that. I have no family, and friends can’t help financially (I didn’t ask anyone because it’s not their responsibility). He is in therapy for the first time in his life due to another issue and that is his own journey to take, however somehow his anger is getting worse and I don’t think I can tolerate it.
We don’t have kids and I use birth control none stop because I know I don’t want kids with him.

I’m actively in therapy, somehow I still doubt myself sometimes I understand there should have been other solutions but it’s difficult to come up with them when I feel triggered and have to regulate myself at the same time as the other person is throwing a tantrum.
He apologized but I didn’t even feel it in a way. I just accepted it to keep the peace so his anger doesn’t get any worse and I didn’t want more things to be broken. He threw and slammed many things during that argument and it wasn’t just the paper towels thrown at me unfortunately and I know ITAH for staying with him but i’m trapped in this situation and if it was up to me I would have been gone a long time ago.

and I wanna say thank you to the responses that really helped give me the push to work towards my goal even more because I feel my fears and feelings are seen.

Also I don’t know how to unclog a toilet because I never had that issue happen to me before in my life but now I know so I guess that’s the silver lining lol.

A little background about important things for context ( I struggled with crippling OCD before I married my Husband and have gotten A LOT better now but some things still trigger it)
My husband on the other hand is not someone who cared about cleanliness at all and learned many things from that was a struggle to go through but most of the cleaning of bathrooms is on me.

So last night I(31F) noticed the toilet being clogged after my husband (32M) used it and I was a bit nervous because I know my husband is stubborn and I know how rough he is when he handles things (throws tantrums and does things extremely aggressively) I didn’t want him to fix it because I wanted to be the one that does it in case anything splashes I know where it is and I can clean it later (he doesn’t usually care about those things/ doesn’t notice) he saw that I was nervous and asked why and I told him he let it be at the time because we do have another toilet we can use in the meantime.

The toilet was draining slowly so I wanted to wait till it’s not so full so there’s less water to splash and just do it in the morning.
In the morning He was getting impatient and urged me to go fix it. I went to fix it and I didn’t do it well enough (my second time in my life unplugging a toilet) and i flushed it and it became filled with water again.
My husband gets so mad and asks to do it because I don’t know how and I was telling him we have another bathroom he can use and he refused and said he wanted to use that specific toilet and just wanted to do it and told me to deal with it and just clean the bathroom afterwards. I still refused because I also needed to learn how to do it and I also wasn’t comfortable with him doing it knowing the history of him “fixing” things and creating a mess afterwards.

He throws a whole tantrum at me calls me names and shames me for failing at it. Tells me every other relationship a woman will tell her husband to do it. ((He has a remote job I’m mostly at home on my own and I wanted to learn in case it happens again))
He accuses me of throwing things in the toilet.

I went and watched tutorials on YouTube on how to do it without splashing and found one and went in the bathroom and did it successfully this time.

He is now still angry at me threw paper towels towards me because of how angry he was and told me that he could’ve also done it without splashing to begin with and that I created this issue and I could’ve just let him do it so no fight would’ve broke out…

AITAH for not letting him unclog it?