u/Ancient_Sun9785

I'm completely burnt out in my marriage with my dx husband. His adhd is unmanaged as he thinks he doesn't need any sort of help.

So I feel like I'm the one taking the full blast of his ups and downs. Between starting endless projects, doomscrolling, promising he'll do what he said he'll do (but still doesn't do it), using substances or alcohol to manage his emotions (making things worse obviously), really bad RSD, monologues, and pretty much doing whatever he wants for 2 years now (since our daughter is born), I look like a zombie now.

I have expressed so many times how his behaviour and adhd are impacting my mental health, and what I needed him to do for things to get better.

But this is where I don't know what to do or say:

He keeps on saying "you say this is all because of me and my adhd, but surely there's something you are responsible for too? There's something you also need to work on, don't you?" Insinuating that the state of my mental health is because of me.

I don't know what to say about that. OK, it takes 2 to tango in a relationship. And I know I have attachment issues. But I know deep down that his behaviour is the source of my current state. I don't feel safe to relax. I'm just in a constant survival mode.

Have you got a similar situation with your adhd partner? If so, how did you manage that? How would you communicate how you feel?

Thank you for taking the time to read

Just a thought.

Could phones have made adhd less manageable/worse?

Like a lot of things, they can be a great tool in the everyday life, but what I see with my dx husband, is that his phone is fuelling his symptoms.

He's completely glued to his phone. He uses it for watching reels and videos, and to buy stuff.

We all do it, but he doesn't seem to be able to control himself. And obviously, if I ask him to put his phone down, RSD is kicking in.

So now, anywhere he goes, he can get that quick dopamine fix watching and buying. Pretty much every day, we are receiving parcels of bits he bought.

Have you got tips on how to shift phone use from "dopamine fix" to "a tool to manage my symptoms"?