Hi everyone,
It’s a bit long, and my mother language isn’t English, I used Ai to correcting the syntax error.
Background:
My undergraduate degree is in visual design, and I enrolled in a Master’s program（3years） in design theory last fall. I applied to the same university from which I graduated. It is a nice choice for me, but the demerit at the undergraduate level was that they focused on building students' work skills and ignored teaching design theory.
I never thought I was unsuited for the theory area. I am a fast reader, interested in history, and I never hate difficult texts. I enjoy reading and finding new knowledge, so I thought moving to theory would be a challenge, but I could do it.
It has been 9 months since I entered the Master's program. In the first school term, I focused on reading broad theory and history papers about my major, aiming to help me build a scholarly perspective. After 3 months, I chose my research object A, and my advisor suggested that I read object B’s book; he thought there were some connections between A and B. After one to two months of reading, my conclusion was that A and B are like an apple and a banana in a fruit shop; both of them are fruit, but B isn’t A. What I gained from this is that they share the same part of fruit shop cultural history.
After that, I spent 2 months reading about object A’s history, which required me to dig into the history of style at a certain time, and trying to find original material also wasted a lot of my time. During this time, I found a paper that almost answered all my questions about object A. It means I have to find a new perspective to think about A.
At the same time, my advisor asked me to submit my thesis topic and outline; I think this is when I fell into a mess. I lost my old question and had to find a new one to move forward. I told my advisor I lost my old question because there was a paper answering everything I wanted to prove; he said “OK,” but I still needed to submit a structure. So I did this work under stress. I have never performed well under stress. I used other theses as a reference, but I still wrote it in the wrong way.
My advisor told me that since I am a graduate student, if I have any questions, I should not ask him directly; he only accepts questions that come with a complete hypothesis and thinking. My understanding is “don’t annoy me with stupid questions!” And it obviously includes “what book should I read?” and “how to write an outline.”
After I submit an outline, I was criticized, and the advisor said that he could not see my thoughts in the outline. So I added more words to the outline to explain what I wanted to do, almost like a paper. This time I was scolded. I was told that I was in a hurry to succeed and didn't do it seriously. He was angry that I didn't know how to write an outline. (I remembered my undergraduate was focused on work skills rather than writing.)
At the end of this meeting, my advisor asked me to submit reading notes weekly. But three days later, he updated his requirements stating that I should submit a reading note within the thesis structure. He sent an outline sample, but refused to answer any questions about details. If I ask basic questions about how to write it, he just sends the sample again and says “please read it carefully.” In the past two weeks, as you can guess, I submitted two bad assignments. I didn't avoid the work; I organized my information, added pictures, and tried to include everything I thought was important in the outline. But when I look back, it is indeed a mess. I don’t know how to break this cycle now.
Here is my advisor’s feedback:
- I don’t know how to read properly, and I haven’t read anything.
- I do everything impatiently.
- I’m behind schedule.
- I need to read more, but I haven't. I didn’t spend enough time on my studies.
- I am bad at history.
Here are my feelings:
Yes, before he pointed it out, I didn't know how to read a book in a scholarly way. I can read and remember the author’s viewpoint, but I don’t have my own viewpoint or thoughts on what I read. Now I am trying to use a new way he teaches to organize the books I have already read.
I am impatient, especially under stress. My undergraduate major was visual design; I think it has a strong "ASAP" culture. If "Party A" asks you to submit a plan tonight, you should submit three complete plans tonight—no excuses. So in my opinion, if my advisor asks for an outline, there is no room for negotiation; I should submit an outline on time, like a design plan. Like dominos, this influences my approach to reading and writing.
Yes, I’m behind schedule. But based on my performance, I think it isn’t the most important problem I should solve. I think my advisor is pushing me. He tells me that I should slow down, as research requires patience; however, at the same time, he repeats that I am behind and that I should show him some progress next week. I don’t know what he wants. I think the most important thing now is figuring out what I should do.
My brain is a mess now. Maybe the first task is to organize the books I have read, not read new books. I am sad that he thinks the time I spent reading when I didn't know how was wasted. I don't think I wasted it, but I haven't organized the information into my own language. I think in the next month, maybe I should endure a period of scolding and use this time to clear my head. Excluding mealtimes and the gym, I spend 4–7 hours a day in the library, depending on whether there are classes on that day. I usually start work at 9 a.m. and leave at 8 p.m. It is my energy limit. I think greater efficiency and improving my way of thinking are more important. And I don’t know how to do it now.
I like history, but in my research subject, comparing stylistic history, dynastic history, and trade history is confusing. Advisor advised me that I should keep away from history and find other viewpoint which I can hold.
So I need some advice to help me complete my studies, In the remaining two months of this semester, I need to catch up with my study progress, complete my core course exams, and read literature related to my research topic while also covering the philosophy and history texts required for my courses. My supervisor expects these readings to be reflected in my thesis framework. I am unsure how to balance these demands, and I would greatly appreciate any advice.