How do I recover (my mental health)
I (24F) just need help acquiring a healthy mindset again.
I work in healthcare, I met him (23m) through a colleague I worked with (his nephew lol) this is my first time meeting someone that way, cause I’m hardly outgoing outside of work.
But yeah he was sweet.. he had a past too he cheated on his second ex 3 months in with his first ex.. like I took that chance to get to know him still, ppl fuck up and someone wanting forgiveness will change however, cheaters NEVER trust.
I remember when we first started talking and just genuinely talking about things, I would get a paragraph response how I’ve never done a thing for him or not “even” respond to any of his messages.. but I did..
He justified everything; his moods, why he games so much, why he has to watch porn and get off (medical condition), why he needs someone who won’t “leave” when things get hard—I would leave to go home when we fought; I was a lot healthier mentally and was able to space myself cause he would just make me upset or literally try to make me mad for a reaction…
He’s got addiction and mental health stuff; adhd, pretty sure some bpd. I loved him I knew his anger towards me was just him trying to love somebody. He was fine and sweet after, just needed to smoke first and it helped him relax. Tobacco and marijuana. When he was pissed and losing it he would call me names; c**t, wh*re,
he’s got poor habits actively; computer, video chatting OF women, romantical relationships thru games. He’s doing that all with me. And did to me during the summer, the fall, fucking winter, and March I took him out; then when we got home after drinking he stayed up to smoke, but I found out he was messaging his first ex like he missed seeing her…CMON. He would be on his phone playing beside me and I would talk to him and hug him and he would just get annoyed cause it ruined his game. One night he left and went downstairs, he seemed mad at me so idk I went upstairs and I stayed..
Well he actually payed to video chat a girl to see stuff. And in December and January he was sexting a girl he gamed with. There’s another too just I didn’t have enough to call him out.
Yeah there’s so much I could share… it took me so long to figure out things with him and try to understand this addictive personality thing he tells me he’s suffering with.. now he’s hardly messaging me literally worse than before, NEVER messages back on weekends past few months or even reply at all when I’m reassuring him, but I apparently don’t talk to him?. Someone please help me fucking process this stuff so I can accept how he is and move on, learn from my mistakes; and what I could have done better. I’m mad at myself; every inch I had of confidence got brought down because he wanted to make me feel smaller than him when he thought I wasn’t listening.
Yeah I’m sorry for all that, maybe someone can share insight maybe or if someone’s been through similar just how did you recover. Like after all this sht, all this trying to do more and care more for someone who says you don’t, learn addiction and mental health, when it comes to needing him: no response, takes off and hops on computer plays for 24+ hours or goes out to do stuff with family and I hardly hear from him for like two days.. idk I could share more I’m getting tired. Then yeah they fuck off and that’s the end. just WOW. Like never again my friend I don’t think I have the strength for anything now. I just want to heal, I don’t know how to heal, I want to talk to new ppl but I don’t think that’s gonna fix everything that got broke down. I know I wasn’t perfect to him though I need to say that I can’t say any of this without feeling responsible.
Thank you so much if you are still reading, I’m sorry for the long read.