u/Anachi-707

I'm sometimes quite confused by the behavior of our resident cat, Penelope. She's a year and a bit older, almost two, and spayed. She came from a shelter; before that, she was on the streets. The rescue organization suspected she'd been abandoned because they found her pregnant, and she has the mannerisms of a cat who's known a home before ending up on the streets, which is why they agreed to let us adopt her into an apartment with a secure terrace. We adopted a second cat, Azura, who's a year and three months old, almost three months ago. She's also spayed. The two cats are learning to live together after an introduction phase using the Jackson method, which went very quickly thanks to the resident cat's eagerness (the newcomer wanted to interact with her right away). We really thought it was going to be a disaster at first, but it actually went incredibly fast. There are no problems with resources (everything is doubled: runs, tunnels, cat trees, puzzle feeders, litter box).

The most challenging aspect was the resident cat's possessiveness, but she's becoming more and more relaxed about it. At first, I couldn't play alone with the new cat; it was either a two-player game, or the resident cat and my partner would play with the new one simultaneously. We still do this in the evening, but they both know they also have special moments during the day.

Well, not all their old habits have been re-established:

They've taken turns sleeping with us a little, but for now, they still prefer their basket or the cat tree. The resident cat is coming back to knead on the sofa throws more and more often, even when she hears the new one, but it's not as frequent anymore. She's demanding more and more cuddles, playing enthusiastically, and is back to her diva-like ways. The new cat is truly adorable; she's a little hippie. She's gaining confidence, comes to play with us, or plays alone near us if we're busy, asks for cuddles, sunbathes at our feet, and even cuddles us when we wake up.

They can be right next to each other for treats, even too close, practically climbing on me to get their sticks.

They hunt butterflies and moths together (sometimes this creates a moment of tension, quickly forgotten by the prey), and they sleep on the same cat tree, but not in the same basket.

Only once did the resident cat not want the newcomer to stay near "HER" hammock and chase her away (without growling, scratching, or anything like that, just a few swipes at the newcomer, who then went to another spot).

In short, the cohabitation works, but I get stressed easily and quickly (I work from home).

I don't have a video of what I'm about to explain because I don't often have my phone with me, and as soon as I start filming—for some reason—the resident cat stops moving.

I swear, I can't find any videos of her being funny, and yet these cats are like sketches, somewhere between a precious diva and a messy hippie—they really are two very different personalities.

The resident cat is territorial by nature. She stalks the newcomer from time to time, but without ever showing any real signs of aggression (tail not puffed up, ears upright, pupils normal, no vocalizations). Sometimes, at the end of the chase, her tail wags rapidly, but not consistently. The newcomer no longer assumes a submissive posture every time like she used to; she just runs to hide (in a box, a tunnel, half under the bed, under the patio bench) and observes the resident who chased her and is waiting. Sometimes she flicks out her paws, but without claws or force (she's not really trying to touch the newcomer). And we don't know if these are attempts to intimidate her or the beginning of a clumsy game from the resident. Especially since she also hides to surprise the newcomer at these times.

Knowing that sometimes, on the other hand, we're sure it's a game:

We see an alternation of who's chasing whom, a gentler chase, swatting away from each other, or sometimes it's the resident cat who runs at full speed, purring, in front of the newcomer who doesn't yet dare to chase her and is content to just send out a clawless paw. The other cat is happy in this case and continues to run around, passing by.

It should be noted that the resident cat is temperamental (she's still learning to manage frustration, meows very loudly for everything) and not very socialized (she's had kittens, but we have no evidence of positive interactions with adult cats). She's very, very playful in an athletic way: we can play with her for more than two hours, running, jumping everywhere, hiding things, doing tricks, etc., and she'll still want to play. When she plays tag with us, she also runs straight towards us and veers off at the last moment so that we can then "chase" her. We always saw her running like a rocket, which forced us to put mats everywhere to stop her slipping.

I'm asking because we're taking precautions with our new cat, who has already moved between homes far too many times in her first year and has only ever known...It's either from her litter or a sociable breed (the kind that looks like bats). This is the first time she's encountered a cat that wasn't friendly towards her from the start. Also, what's making me wonder is that the new cat has been sleeping less in the living room lately and more in her basket in the bedroom.

We don't want to miss any early signs of accumulating tension.

Sorry if I've gone into too much detail, but it's difficult to ask for advice without a video.

Thank you in advance!

Ps : sorry my english...

Bonjour à toutes,

Sans expliquer pourquoi j’en arrive à ça car ne nous mentons pas : C’est toujours la même histoire.

Je suis en train de rediger un réglement/contrat ménage, charge pour moi et mon conjoint.

J’aimerais savoir si le ton et propositions sont ok car je peux être un peu froide et sur un sujet sensible je préfère eviter un risque d’incompréhension. Il y a des trucs qui sont simplement aussi du à mes propres difficultés.

Après évidemment qu’on va en discuter etc mais j’ai du mal à savoir si c’est super malsain comme liste, rêgles ou si c’est sain ? Quand je me relis je trouve ça limite mais j’ai besoin de cadre précis car sinon les choses tournent en bloucle dans ma petite tête (et je viens de tuer une journée et demi de ménage complet)

1. Losqu’une tâche est dîtes gêrée, elle doit l’être dans son entièreté et non pas par partiellement.

2.Lorsque l’un en fait plus un temps (phase compliqué pour l’autre, manque de temps etc...), l’autre doit aussi en faire plus après. Ça permet un régulation et décompression de l’autre à son tour.

3. Lorsque nous sommes débordés seul l’essentiel peut être maintenu mais un moment commun doit être établie pour tout faire. Cf voir tâches essentielles

4. L’organisation doit correspondre au deux, le niveau d’énergie de chacun doit être honnète. (Ça je le dis pour éviter que l’un de nous prenne sur lui alors qu’iel est claqué et que ça pète après comme j’ai du mal à lire le langage non verbal, c’est compliqué de faire la dif entre flemme et fatigue)

5. Un budget et une prioritisation des objets necéssaires doit être établie et mise à jours. (Ça c’est parce qu’on a des trucs entrain de lâcher que je parle souvent d’emmaus mais qu’il me dit pas quand il se sentirais qu’on y aille et ça me bouffe le cerveau)

6. Une liste de pénébilité des tâches en fonction des pref avec temps que ça prends doit être faites, pour une attribuation avec rotation plus sympathique mais équilibrée.

7. Mettre les évènements, dates etc sur un tableau ou calendrier physique. Même ceux pas encore sur (possibilité de définir un code couleur)