First of all, let me give some context about myself —
Hi everyone, I(27M) have been working as a Software Developer for the last 5 years with a salary of 18 LPA (I know it’s not very high according to my experience since people are earning 40–50 LPA, I started from 4 LPA and reaching at even 18 is lot for my family, touchwood, by Mahadev's blessings🙏).
For the past 1 year, I’ve been working from home in my tier-3 hometown (for the first 2 years, I worked from Mohali/Chandigarh, next 2 years from Hyderabad) I am tall, fair, and decent-looking (not very much, but above average), but I am introverted and shy, so I never had the courage to approach girls, even though I’ve had crushes over time in psst. So, I have never dated anyone.
Family background:
I come from a very humble background. My parents are in their late 50s. My mother is a housewife, and my father used to work as a salesman at a clothing shop, earning around 20–25k per month. About a year ago, I asked him to leave his job because I couldn’t see him working at this age (he started working at 15 to support my grandfather as my father has four younger sisters). So, both my parents are dependent on me and don’t have any other source of income (like pension, savings, rent, etc.). After all household expenses, I am able to save around 60–70k per month (touchwood).
I have a younger sister (24F) whose education is complete, and she has just started teaching in a private school.
Now that I’m almost 27, my parents have started discussions about my marriage. The only option left now is an arranged marriage.
In our community and region, the situation is such that there are fewer girls and more boys looking to get married. So, the demand for girls is extremely high. Even very rich business families have sons aged 30+ who are unable to find matches. After a certain age (29–30), the situation gets so bad that families are even ready to accept divorced girls, and after 34–35, they are willing to accept girls with one child for their never-married sons.
So basically, when a boy gets married, no one even asks anything about the girl (education, job, looks, etc.). Families just feel relieved that their son got married. Because of this shortage, girl's expectations have also skyrocketed. Even an average-looking, unemployed girl with a basic BA degree and a humble background expects a handsome, rich guy. (P.S. Not all girls and families are like this, making it clear now only so that feminists dont get offended, but the majority of cases are like this here.)
Because of this situation, my family wants me to get married on time so that we dont face these kinds of problems.
But my problem is this:
As the title suggests, I am scared of my profession. Everyone in IT would agree that there is no stability left due to the AI boom. Honestly, I’m not even sure about the next 5 years, forget 20. I don’t know if jobs will remain stable, salaries will increase or decrease, or even if enough jobs will exist. Pressure and competition are too high, and demand is slowing down due to rapid automation.
Because of this uncertainty, I don’t want another dependent on me. Eventually, there will be at least one child.
Right now I’m working from home, but that won’t last forever. One day I’ll have to move to a tier-1 metro city, and we all know the expenses there. It is very difficult and very scary to depend on a single income for a family of 5-6 people with such an unpredictable field. If I had been in a government job or running a stable business in my hometown, I would have been ready to marry any girl my parents asked for.
So sometimes I feel it’s better to stay single forever. When I tell my parents that either I don’t want to marry or they should find a working corporate girl like me (so that we both can earn and support each other if one loses a job, and also live a better life), they understand my point but say it’s very difficult to find such a girl here.
According to them, even if a corporate girl earns 4 LPA, she will expect a guy earning 40 LPA because such high-earning guys do exist in our community (business owners, big shop owners, IT professionals), and even they are struggling to find matches.
Some other fears:
Apart from this, I’m also worried about things like extra-marital affairs in IT (again, it happens from both sides, not saying only girls do it), which we often hear about.
Also, since my parents are dependent on me, I worry whether my future wife will allow me to continue supporting them after marriage.
What I think/want to do:
All this stresses me out, and I feel staying single forever is the best option.
Right now, my plan is to save money for the next 1–2 years and get my sister married (which I consider my responsibility). That will reduce half of my parent's stress(for them, at least one of their children will be settled) and also reduce a major responsibility from my side.
After that, it will just be the three of us, and a family of three will never have much expenses. Then I want to enjoy life without any other tension and want to life for myself - buy a car (we don’t have one), get one of my dream bike (RE GT650/ HD X440), start going to the gym, focus on myself (looks, health, clothes), and travel whenever I want.
When I say all this, my parents laugh and say life doesn’t work like this - marriage is necessary, you need a companion, and one day when they are gone, how will I live alone?
Honestly, my mind feels messed up from every angle, and I don’t understand what I should do or what will happen in the future.
What do you guys think? Is anyone else in a similar situation?