u/Amber-ONeil

Hi everyone, I am new to this sub.

I am a 32-year-old cis man, married with two children.

I’ve been crossdressing since I was 16, and I used to feel a lot of shame about it. Online and in video games, I’ve mostly presented myself as a woman. I’ve always found it somehow beautiful to dress in feminine clothes and just go about my daily life at home that way.

During this time, the question of whether I am trans has come up again and again. After a few days, I would often dismiss the thought because something else distracted me. But the thought never truly went away, and the idea of living as a woman always made me smile.

For the past three years, I’ve been growing my hair out—not specifically with the thought of being trans, but simply because it made me feel more comfortable. Gradually, I started shaving my body more and more. First just my chest and stomach, then eventually my legs, because the hair there just started to feel bothersome.

For about two weeks now, I’ve been thinking very intensely again about whether I am trans. I’ve since shaved my arms and beard, worn a bra around the house with the kids, and wore a loose dress on hot days. I’ve also been looking at a lot of content online regarding transgender topics.

My wife has known that I crossdress for five years, but a few days ago, she asked me if there is more to it now, as she noticed I’ve been doing more in that direction lately. I couldn't give her an answer because I don’t know the answer myself.

To sort out my thoughts, I made an appointment at a queer counseling center, but unfortunately, it’s not for another two months. Right now, I’m kind of losing it. Whenever I’m alone, I’m thinking about being trans.

Are these thoughts normal?

Am I trans and just can’t say for sure yet? Or am I just depressed, because these thoughts are also really pulling me down? Am I just lonely lately because my wife has very little time for us right now, and I’m subconsciously distracting myself?

I’m reaching my breaking point; these constant racing thoughts are driving me crazy.