Firstly, the reason I'm doing this is to hopefully process past and current trauma. Figure out why I am the way I am. Why I struggle to maintain any sort of relationship. My lifelong inability to let myself be happy.
I tried it for the first time a couple of months ago. The first experience was mind-blowing but on reflection and research I guess I was in the waiting room?
I was definitely somewhere else, not just visuals but that sensation of being somewhere was very acute. I didn't "see" entities but the journey to the waiting room was on what I'll call a train but obviously it wasn't. But that feeling of being transported along a winding path. Very snake-like. The train is being controlled by a female that I can't really see. She seems to be taking care of me. I watched some crazy visuals, with intricate turning/spinning "cog" like things, then I'm lifted back up like an elevator and I returned to reality.
A few weeks later I tried again. This time the visuals were nowhere near as bright. Everything was subdued.
Again I'm on this "train" with the female driving it.
I felt it fading and took a couple more hits....
She was frustrated with me, like "oh great now I have to rush through this". I went flying past all these white rooms with orange entities in them. The female was encouraging them to say goodbye and they started waving. It was all in my peripheral vision. I tried to look over but couldn't.
Then the metaphorical wheels came off the train, it came to a stop and started spraying out patterns which made me think it was bleeding. I felt very sorry for pushing...her...
I've tried a couple times alone since then (first twice with my brother) and everything is still subdued and fades pretty quickly.
I'm going with an intent. But my heart is racing and I find I'm distracting myself from the experience. I can't switch off.
After the first two experiences, when recounting them shortly afterwards, and days/weeks later my body starts shaking like an uncontrollable shiver.
Edit - smoking in a joint btw. My brother made the first two. I'm struggling to measure with my scales. It just doesn't register the weight despite having 0.01g accuracy. I'm certain I put enough in but I'm not sure. It's all packed on the end. Not sure how I could add more tbh. I can't visualise what 50mg looks like to eyeball it.
Any help and advice is much appreciated.