Hi everyone,
I have been meaning to write this for a long time, but kept putting it off. Something has been quietly bothering me for a while now and I don’t think I know how to deal with it anymore.
I was with someone for a long time and it didn’t work out. The aftermath hit me harder than I ever expected. For nearly a year, I was in a pretty dark place, mostly because I wasn’t prepared for it at all. It felt sudden, disorienting, like the ground shifted without warning.
Now, though, I can honestly say i have healed. I’m fine. The only remnants are the occasional passing thoughts about her that show up for a second or two and then disappear just as quickly. It’s been two years since all of that.
Since then, I have been very unsure about the idea of marriage. I threw myself into living on my own terms, doing things i enjoy, chasing experiences, keeping things light. I dated people, but always with the understanding that it wasn’t going anywhere serious. If I’m being honest, it was more about filling the silence than building something real. Realised it just now.
Over time, I started building a case in my head against marriage. I convinced myself that I didn’t want to adjust my life or share it indefinitely with “someone” just because that’s the structure society decided on years ago. That line of thinking felt very rational and even comforting.
But on the other side, my parents have been trying to nudge me in the opposite direction. And lately, I can feel a kind of anxiety creeping in. It’s not even about finding someone. It’s about the process of finding someone that unsettles me.
Ironically, they were completely against all of this before dating thing. That’s why I never even told them about my ex. But now the situation has flipped. After the breakup, they seem more open to the idea of me dating someone, of course with marriage as the end goal.
And that’s where things start to feel complicated.
Sometimes I feel like I ended things at the wrong time in life and now im stuck in a place where the only realistic path left is arranged marriage, which I genuinely don’t want. At the same time, going the dating route feels equally exhausting. Just finding someone compatible is hard enough and even then, I’d need at least six months to truly understand a person.
When I think about all of this together, it starts to feel overwhelming.
I know I’m not the only one in this position. There are plenty of people navigating the same uncertainty. But I keep coming back to one question like how do you actually make yourself happy in the long run?
Dating apps feel hollow if you’re looking for something meaningful, and arranged marriage feels like walking into a script you didn’t write and finding people is another struggle with their parents.
I had some time today to really sit with these thoughts and it really unsettled me. Now i do not feel like I have a clear direction and yet time keeps moving forward regardless.would really like to hear your perspectives on this.
Thank you for reading