I am just posting my chain of thought because i need an outlet and i am someone who outtalks everyone's listening capacity and still have something to say so basically i feel very unsatisfied because even i get tired and it feels like my desire of expression transcends my limiting finite existence. like sometimes i have so much to say that my body feels more like a limitation than an instrument of expression.
it feels like having an essay worth of things to say but the placeholder has a 2000 characters/word limit so you can't express anything in the length it deserves to exist in. the listener gets tired. the speaker gets tired. this body needs sleep, needs to eat, needs to rest. But my thoughts and ideas keep running wild, even in my sleep. the engine is always on. it needs a lot of expression, and then feedback to expression to process life.
I was actually talking about the need to showcase who you are, like a portfolio, that intellectuals on Instagram feel the need to do. this is not a judgement statement. i was also like that. this is just an observation. people feel a certain compulsion/pressure to exist in patterns. they are afraid to act out of character. but is human character fixed? how can i summarise who i am in a few carousels and an Instagram bio? and also, why does everything needs to be consistent? what obligation do i have on a personal account to make it easy to guess and categorise who i am?
why can i not act as unpredictable as possible? why do i have to keep posting poetry if i posted it twice? why do i have to decide when to post once a week, twice a month, biweekly. why must i structure the limited expression of my lifeforce, to be more palatable, digestible, served ready to go on a plate? why do i have to spend braincells on trying to engineer what will be easier for you to understand about me? why must i design a pattern so you can guess my next move? when i don't even know my next move???
thanks for coming to my ted talk.