I am in my early 20s and I have a long distance friend that I met online quite a few years ago. We share a few common interests, and overall we do get along well enough. She has even stated that we work well together, at least half the time we do. Recently, she has been facing a lot of personal grievances, and because of that we have also fought a lot over the past few months.
As it turns out, I have discovered from the fights that I tend to try and outsmart her and discourage her by turning down many things that she tries to contribute to our conversations. We are sort of writing partners, so imagine just conversations about original characters. I was genuinely taken aback by that discovery, because I didn't realise I was doing that.
I have tried to fix those issues, because I value our friendship a lot and if it's a fault in me I would like to fix it.
Now. Here's where I'm so conflicted and I have no one to talk about this. I barely have any friends left due to my own personal issues. As I said, I have been trying, but I am falling short. We had another fight recently, and upon rereading our chats I realized that I was discouraging a lot of her ideas regarding her character. The issue is, I didn't realise it? I wasn't doing it intentionally with malice? Which isn't an excuse, but I don't know, is it bad that I would have liked to be told about it at least?
I have apologised to her, and I have told her that she should tell me if I'm acting rudely.
Another thing, I... well... I don't know? I tend to correct her sometimes? I mean not in a holier than thou way, I just do it because I know something about the topic and I'm letting her know more about it too. I'm not doing it to show off, or to make her feel stupid.
This post is trailing off. It's so incoherent. I just. Don't know. I am trying, I'm trying and I'm falling short and I wish I wouldn't. I wish I could do better.
I guess this was more of a vent.