I’m home alone and having a severe anxiety attack. Lightheaded, feel like passing out, feel like I can’t breathe, my throat is tight, and I’m nauseous. Any tips on how to deal with this? It’s freaking me out and my worse fear is being alone while having an anxiety attack. HELP!
So I am a 23 yr old female. Me and my partner found out we were pregnant the beginning of march. He wasn’t ready for a baby but I couldn’t imagine having an abortion. Over the course of 2 weeks we basically argued Everyday about the fact he didn’t think it was a good idea or the right time to keep the baby. I continuously argued against it saying it felt like it was meant for me and we would work together and do whatever it takes. Night after night of crying myself to sleep because I felt so rejected and confused about why he didn’t want a baby with me. Feeling like he didn’t love me or care about me. I told him if I had the abortion our relationship would likely fall apart and I’d lose myself. I ended up just ordering the abortion pills online and they came in the mail. I thought to myself maybe if he sees I have them and he knows I don’t wanna do this he will show me a different side of him. I WAS WRONG. by this point I was so emotionally drained and completely confused by his actions. And by this point he had also began to see how bad I wanted to keep the baby and told me “if it’s going to harm your mental health and risk our relationship don’t do it. We will figure it out”. But in my head I couldn’t forget all of the mean things he said and how alone he made me feel…. I felt so alone, unloved, and rejected. I didn’t want my baby to feel that way or have to raise the baby alone knowing I already have a 2 year old from a different man. Fast forward I take the pills and I end up hemmoraging and needing emergency surgery to stop the bleeding. I healed up but that left me traumatized and not in the best health physically or mentally. It has been over a month now since the abortion and I am dealing with unimaginable feelings of grief and guilt. I hate myself for making that choice. I recently got the copper IUD put in about 1-2 weeks ago. It breaks my heart even more that there will be no “ooopsiess I’m pregnant”. He says he never wanted me to get it he knows how much I hate birth control. We still argue about the abortion and how I feel like he pushed me to do it. But he said he had changed his mind and I did it anyway. Prior to the abortion like I said I told him I’d lose myself completely and that is exactly what has happened… I’ve started drinking again and having troubles sleeping. Everything reminds me of our baby and I’ve been left with a gaping hole in my chest. REAL QUESTION IS? Would I be crazy if I took my IUD out and not necessarily try to get pregnant but go with the flow until it happens again? I want my baby back so bad this feeling is unbearable I can’t sleep most nights thinking of what it could have been. I would have been about 14 weeks now and getting to soon find out the gender and it’s killing me. I know we love each other because through this whole thing it has been extremely hard and we are still together. So would I be crazy for taking my birth control out and trying to get pregnant again!?!? (Side note both of our families know we had an abortion not long ago . I hate judgement so if I do that and get pregnant again soon. Do I lie and say I got pregnant with copper iud ) HELPPPP