u/AlternativeDonut4277 — reddlx

We, 24f at the time with my 23m partner, had been together for about a year. December 2024 I woke up to a “hey girly” text that completely changed my life. I learned that he got his friend 19f pregnant. Or so they said. I didn’t believe it because he had never given me any reason to question him. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t remember it happening, but he just found out about it and was as confused as me. He said substances had been involved and it happened at OUR apartment WHILE I WAS THERE SLEEPING.

I also got text messages sent to me between the baby mama and her friend (the person that sent me the hey girly text). I’ll come back to this.

A few days later we had the baby mama over for a conversation. Two of the most important things from that conversation is she said she was keeping the baby (no abortion or adoption) and that my partner already knew about it. Once I found out he had lied, I decided to kick him out of the apartment because my name was the one on the lease. He said he wanted things to work between us and because I wanted to believe that, I did. But I set boundaries with him and he set boundaries with her.

One of those boundaries was that he would no longer give her rides, as she didn’t have her license and depended on him for rides. They also coached the same sport and I didn’t want them to see each other outside of that. He agreed. But he didn’t enforce those boundaries he set. He was still giving her rides sometimes and would guilt trip me into saying it was the only way she could attend medical appointments.

A few weeks later I got a text from my sister saying she saw them at Walmart together looking at baby items. When him and I called and I asked him about his day, he didn’t include anything about that. I decided to confront him and he said he didn’t want to tell me and make me mad.

February 2025 she posted a picture of the ultrasound and said baby (his last name) coming June 2025. I had a massive panic attack and called him 20+ times. Eventually he answered and said he had to go bring her to urgent care because she had a sore throat. I asked if he could drop her off and I could meet him in the parking lot and we could talk. He said no and hung up. Later that night I continued to have the worst panic attack of my life. Eventually I heard from him and it was updates of how she was doing and that he would have to stay with her a few more hours until her parents got home.

The following day, I asked if we could talk and he said he wasn’t ready to. I said it was something I needed. He ignored me from Wednesday-Friday night (only one text that evening). Friday was my birthday. Saturday I asked to talk and he said he had to go look at baby items with her. Sunday we finally got together and I said he had to pick between her or me. With having an absent father growing up, he felt a responsibility to not be that for his daughter. He picked her but said if things change he would let me know.

I still didn’t know for certain if it was his child even, and he agreed they would do a paternity test once she was born and let me know the results. He then ghosted me for two months and still had his stuff at my apartment.

May 2025 he finally started texting me and we went out for dinner. He said he didn’t really know what she was doing or what the plan was. Throughout all of this I wasn’t mad, I just missed my boy. We went out to dinner, went back to my place, slept together, and he spent the night. I waited for him to initiate kissing etc because I didn’t know where we stood. He left in the morning and got his stuff that weekend.

June 2025 I saw on social media (I had her added since we know each other through him) that the baby was born and had both of their last names. I texted him asking about the paternity test. The end of July my message was marked as “read” and I never got a response.

July 2025 her Facebook status changed to in a relationship… since March. Like the month after we broke up? Yes. Like two months before we slept together? Yes. So that added to my confusion with seeing how easily he cheated on her with me.

Flash back to the texts between baby mama and her friend. There were lots of interesting things in there, but most notably that he had been cheating on me since May 2024 and I didn’t find out until December and was told it was a one time thing. I know they slept together multiple times. When it was initially sent to me I thought she was making things up and didn’t believe them, but now I think they are true.

Since all of this started I’ve had horrible anxiety and depression. I’m still not mad at him but my whole family hates him, understandably so. I’ve been going to therapy and had my ups and downs. Recently things have gotten harder again, now knowing it’s been 2 years since he started cheating on me. It’s also been one year of no contact.

I’m sure this isn’t even all of the details as it was a chaotic time in my life my memory is spotty, but I remember parts of it like it was yesterday. What has helped you or others get over someone that cheated? Or become angry with them? I want real solutions. I just feel stuck. Also, any thoughts about my situation are welcome.