"Everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or form of measure. And all of it...irreplaceable."
- RWBY
I honestly don't know what I can do other than vent here using my semi-anonymous account. My birthday was yesterday, and it was one of the worst I can remember.
Normally, I would be at game night with friends that night. But my best friend is out of town on a business trip, and my other local best friends are in mourning and really not doing well - and I refuse to bother them while they are taking the time they need for themselves, or make a post on my non-anonymous social media because they might feel bad for not being available, and I don't want to do that to them.
My closest family members live 14+ hours away (or more), so there's no chance of seeing them. I'm too broke to do anything out of the ordinary other than order food...and when I did, the restaurant forgot to send the dessert. Par for the course (except the dessert course, apparently).
I've been job-hunting without success for years, though still barely surviving month-to-month through a side-hustle, but despite numerous interviews I just can't make any headway. Any time I try putting myself out there on dating sites I either have nice friendly conversations that eventually fizzle out or encounter rude (or even outright antisemitic) ladies who make me rethink trying.
I'm closer to being 50 than I am to being 40, and I just don't see a way out, and I do not know what to do. I keep wishing for the best for my friends and loved ones, and I will never ever want things to go right for me if means anything to go wrong for them.
...so there's really nothing else I can do about it but vent.