A year ago this month my horse got anaplasmosis, which turned into laminitis, and it’s just been one thing after another since. We got through the initial stuff, but she stayed lame. I’ve spent close to $15k on diagnostics, surgery, rehab, all of it… and we’re still not back. She’s on limited turnout and we’re still in the “wait and see” phase.
My barn went to the first show of the season this weekend and I couldn’t go. I ended up crying about it anyway, we’ve only had one real show season in the 5 years we’ve been together and it was honestly everything I wanted, and I’ve been trying so hard to get back there, but right now it just feels really far away. I’ve been struggling to even want to go to the barn. I can’t ride, and I’m afraid to do much with her and have a setback, and after a year it’s just a lot. I’m feeling pretty defeated.
My trainer gave me a really nice young horse to ride for the summer and hes great. He’s fun, he’s sweet, it’s a good opportunity. But it’s not my horse and I’m having a hard time caring the way I feel like I should, which makes me feel like a terrible person. I know this probably sounds dumb compared to actual problems because she’s happy and healthy, but I miss riding my horse. And I don’t know how to get out of this headspace or enjoy anything horse related right now.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening.