25f, 26m, third party, i hate what i did
its been three years since ive known my boyfriend and one year to us dating. our dynamics as a couple for context:
we dont need constant texting or calling, we of course update each other abt our day and with our rel back to being long distance we usually call each other before sleeping twice-thrice in a week.
we have had three (big) fights that too was solved on those days itself.
we are pretty vocal abt our feelings and boundaries.
we have met each others friends and from both ends they have enjoyed both my company as well as his.
im more introverted and he is the opposite, he likes socialising making new friends and i have no issue with it. i also time to time love connecting and he respects that as well.
so, so far i love the relationship i am in because my identity has never been compromised lol and he has always been clear abt his intentions.
however, he recently went to this trip to goa with a friend he met on hinge (just fyi no problem i have there, i myself have made friends from bumble and hinge). in his case she is a 30F woman. the trip entailed of the 30F woman's friends and she invited him as well and he joined them, after of course, updating me on it.
after the trip he came back to me and informed that he and her while talking fell asleep, there were other people in the room as well so it was not just them. (before as well him and her have not been in any romantic setting and whenever he has spoken of her i can gauge that he has not ever had any romantic feelings for her before or even now). but i fs know she does for him.
my bf and i also use each others devices to use socmed platforms or netflix or wtv. so once i was going through my pictures on his phone and something told me i should check his whatsapp with her. (yes i snooped, and im not pretty proud of it myself)
so in regards of their trip i stumbled on a text where she thanked him for tagging along and that she had the best sleep. honestly how red flag. (i mean i do understand friends can be a safe space as well but honestly why would you text something like this to a man who is taken? i hope im not being paranoid) she also adds to her message that she will delete the message after he has read because she does not want me, the girlfriend, to know abt it. like dude he already told me, what makes you so entitled?????
his reply was pretty simple where he thanked her for inviting and was glad she slept fine and also told her there is no need to delete the message. she said okay fine and the convo ended there.
there have also been other texts exchanged between them after that snooping incident of mine and i still snoop time to time whenever i get this gutteral feeling (as much as i hate it, it helps me understand their friendship) ive noticed through all this that my boyfriend does not see her more than a friend and he simply has been unable to grasp the fact that she likes him more than a friend.
the additional texts ive uncovered were such as her getting mad at him for not picking up her calls (like wtf????), her sad that he no longer updates abt his life to her or abt his family life to her which feels like crossing a line for me.
the thing is i cant tell my boyfriend all this cause these are informations ive collected without his knowing lol and neither have i met this b\\\*tch ever.
i honestly dont even want to stop my bf from being friends with her, i just simply dont want to be in the same space as her cause of her intentions towards me and the relationship.
through all those messages i honestly felt like she just still hasnt acknowledged the fact that my boyfriend is even dating. whenever they talk be it text or call or meet up, he has always mentioned me and she always overlooks.
im honestly waiting for her to come clean abt her feelings to him so that she can finally leave his life and bring me some peace.