My father is mentally ill and the stress and pressure of caring for him is ruining my life
Hi, 26F here. I am an only child to divorced parents, and my father has advanced Multiple Sclerosis, and likely another undiagnosed mental health condition. With my mother no longer in the picture, I am virtually the sole carer of my dad. Since the divorce my Dad has moved to the other side of the world (where he grew up) but is close to his family. However - his only sibling is his sister, with whom he has ruined the relationship (his doing) who cares full time for their 93 year old mother with advanced dementia.
Therefore - I am effectively the sole carer, and have flown over to spend some time trying to sort my father out, so my partner and I are attempting to live with him while I sort some things out (such as health and financial power of attorney, care, and changes to his home to make it suitable for his disabilities) . My father has been emotionally and physically abusive towards me and my mother for as long as I can remember. Even though he is mentally impaired, he says the most hurtful things, and simply cannot admit that he needs help. He immediately took a dislike to my partner, and said some unforgivable things, driving a wedge between the two of us. My father kicked him out of the house and effectively gave me no option but to choose between them. My partner is my absolute rock, and I want to choose him, given that I am the one with 60+ years of life to go. But, the guilt of not looking after my father wants to eat me alive. Since we left, a week ago, my father has been trying to get in touch incessantly, and insists he needs my help, but going back to him is causing problems in what is a more important relationship to me.
I believe that I am a good person to the core, and I care about my dad's safety and wellbeing, but it is at the point now where I am clinically depressed in my current situation. I would like to try and end my relationship with my Dad because it simply does not bring me any happiness or benefit, and he has never shown me respect. Does anyone have any ideas as to how to handle this? I am likely to continue needing to be his power of attorney and make decisions for him, but I want to go home and claim my life back. Any strategies for navigating this? Thank you