I'm 20 years old. But I feel like I'm mentally stuck at 15.
I still live with my family, whom I completely depend on as if I was a high-schooler. I don't have a job, because either I suffer an anxiety attack from it every day, or get fired for reasons I'll never know.
I've had a bad history with my family, them having been abusive since i was a preteen, if not earlier. The situation today has gotten better, however, but on occasion it still gets very rough to the point of me being terrified to return home.
As me and my peers are getting older, I'm gradually noticing so many of them moving out into college dorms, or renting out places with roommates, having long-term jobs, being responsible with money, doing errands and being completely independent.
Meanwhile I struggle to study at all for uni, or even just get out of bed in the morning and take my depression meds every day.
I can't see a future in which I'm a fully functional, independent adult with a stable income.
I feel so pathetic. I'm scared to talk to any of my friends about this, because i'm extremely embarrassed for being dependent on parents at this age. I even feel uncomfortable sharing it here, but I don't have anywhere else to talk about this.
I've had ideations throughout my teenage years. And I'm having a feeling maybe I was never even supposed to reach adulthood. Maybe I shouldn't have let myself turn 18...
Anyway, I'm only posting here to vent and not to seek advice, but regardless, if you do have anything to say, I'd love to hear it.
Thank you for reading.