Things That I Won't Say
Along the way,
Something started to well up,
Something that shouldn't be.
Along the way,
I forgot what it meant,
What it meant to be me.
The suffering of life, an ecstasy unknown.
Something has been looming,
A memory secluded,
Trapped between the expectations.
Dig deeper still,
Something is growing,
In the way I forget.
With locked heart,
With locked phone,
With still hands.
The strings of sinew,
The clash of teeth,
The way my vision shakes.
I have to keep it down,
Suppress the coals,
Fan the smoke.
Open the doors,
Crack the windows,
Turn on the vents.
It cloys the air,
The way it lingers,
Something has stained the slate.
Yet I crave it still.
Along the way I left something,
Something that shouldn't be,
It calls to me evermore.
Hidden within heart and mind,
Trapped behind my teeth,
Swallowing down the regret.
Hide all the hurt,
The way I forgot it,
The way I want it.
Something is growing inside,
This desire,
Not of purity or pride.
The way the guilt builds,
The need to be better,
The image of together.
Along the way,
I gave up wanting,
Yearn no more.
But the urge continues.
Left unchecked it festers,
Showing in small ways,
The cuts on my tongue.
Something esoteric,
Something regretful,
Something painful.
I can't keep it down,
It burns the back of my throat,
Not bile, but the remorse.
Apparent to my eyes,
Veiled to my soul,
Ignored by my conscience.
Will it ever go away,
The swelling of thoughts,
Circling around my gums.
I feel it in my canines,
Clenched too tight,
Yet not tight enough.
Don't let it slip,
Don't let them know,
Don't let it grow.
Something is wrong,
This something has a name,
Called things that I won't say.