I (34M) and my wife (31F) are actively going through this. She has stated she wanted to divorce 3 weeks ago because of how she had to shoulder my emotional dysregulation for multiple years.
Last night, we had another talk to which she finally said she's looking for apartments and was ready to file. I asked her to talk about it and I ended up begging on my knees for hours for a chance to work on it. She wasn't cold or blank the entire time, it looked like she was really in pain.
I acknowledge everything that has happened and am taking the steps to correct it (ie: regulation, therapy, physical redirect when ruminating). I told her I'm commiting to these things to show her that she can be the person she wants to be while I support her as her husband.
After 2.5 hours, she finally said that she will think about pausing the divorce but she is 95% leaning towards the divorce.
She gave me a list of things to NOT do:
Have emotional dips
Do not touch
Only talk about the dogs for now or nothing about the relationship
Text her
Make any weird movements around her
She is going on a work trip and a personal trip back to her home country for around 26 days in total. If I work on myself and my emotions would there be any chance of me changing that 95%?
Edit: During last nights conversation, I asked what would I have to do for you to reconsider? I asked if its the emotions and she nodded yes.