My dreams are being effected by ROCD
Im (f22) and my bf is (m23) we just moved in together at the end of last year. We also just got together last year, i did move in fast, however i dont doubt this is my forever partner.
I have caught my boyfriend in a lie a couple times. Small things that may not effect the regular person, but my ocd hasnt forgotten at all.
Months ago i found out he was deleting messages with someone, he claimed it was irrelevant and wanted me to bypass it and trust him. I do trust him, but my rocd is making things harder than i want it to. After this incident, i found out he lied to me about some other things. Ive explained to him that with OCD i cant control the thoughts. Ans that i really need him to do his best with reassurance and support.
I do not believe hes cheating on me, however i have an issue with trust now. I feel like i need extra validation compared to him. I dont support in “going through someones phone” privately, or being snoopy. I just want communication and to feel okay. Its been really hard giving myself the validation, my bf should be a little more supportive than hes giving imo.
This morning i wokeup sweaty and terrified. I dreamt i was being cheated on, he was leaving, i was being insulted. It felt so real, and im unable to sleep now. These dreams have been so intense, seems like every night more negative thoughts brew up. I wakeup confused, upset and in distress. Is this my own stress? Is this lack of closure?
My boyfriend tends to get defensive, stubborn. It is hard to explain things to him because he lacks having an open mind to things. I try my best to explain why things are as serious as they are, and i feel he never wants to understand. I dont want to be annoying, but i do want to feel understood.
I know i am asking for a bit more than the regular person, but that’s because im me. I wish i could change and i wish i could stop taking everything as a sign, stop worrying that all the things hes doing are to effect me.
I really just want advice. how do i cope better with rocd issues? I really want to make things work, but i feel i have no control in this situation. I feel like the ball is in his court, i cant keep begging for simple reassurance. But i want him to be the one in my life.