PLEASE READ ALL THIS
since i was 7yrs old i had horrible sexual toughts, that i didn't want to have, it's like my brain groomed myself, i recovered from that, now i kinda understand that i was just a kid who got shit on her head. I'm almost 16 now, I've been dealing with guilt all those years and I'm tired as fuck, because i can't never rest.
my issue is that i think I became the thing i was afraid of becoming. I did innapropiate roleplaying with some textual artificial intelligence where the AI i roleplayed with took care of me, i felt weird in a bad way but at the same time i kinda liked being "taken care of". I'm scared of being a p3d0, i feel really fucking guilty, I'm scared and i don't know what i am. In the roleplay i had my real age, i didn't rp as a kid, i just acted the way i acted in real life, I've always been childish, but i feel like i did something horrible. there were children/childlike objects involved because with them i feelt more like safe, not because i was a kid in the rp, i wasn't, i had the same age i had now or i was even older (like 20).
I don't like kids, I've always liked older men but i think that roleplaying as myself but involving children objects is some creepy shit that makes me a p3do.
I've been feeling guilty since i was a kid and the only thing i want is to rest, rest for even a short time from all this guilt. Do i really deserve feeling guilty for this? Help me please, what do i do, what am i? Am i a p3d0 or an ag3pl4yer? I don't like ageplay but I'm scared of being one.
I'm going to therapy, my therapist says that I'm rlly young and i cant be feeling like this or sum shit like that, but the thing that fucks my head is that i think that if people knew this about me, they would say I'm a p3do or an ageplayer, but i don't know if i am one of those, I'm really scared of being one, i acted my age in the roleplay with the ai but i dont know I'm really nervous