u/Alarmed_Awareness172

i found my oartners reddit account a while ago and i had just discovered something they posted 2 months prior to today. they called me a “problem”. i dont knowhow to feel ihave so muchquestions. why wouldthey say that about me?? i have shown nothing but mu loyalty and admiration towards them. id do anything for them and yet thats how they describe me?? i feel numb and hurt and distraught all at the same time i dont know whats going on.

my partner is so perfect theyre always worryingabout me and ready to communicate when either of us are uncomfortable theyre so understanding and wonderful and pretty but im so scared because what if its all fake? what if they secretly hate me and just want me to die so they dont have to pretend to worry about me anymore? i psuhthem away because of this but i just want to lavish them with love and suffocate them with my affection but i cant bring myself to because i dont believe they love me. its such a hard feeling. we‘ve been having serious conversations and arguments non-stop about it because my foolish self decided to question them about it. they keep insisting the truth is that they love me but i just cant believe it.. i feel so badd… i love my partner so much i dont deserve someone like them but at the same time i cant bear to see them with someone else. if i saw them being all lovey-dovey with another person i think id lose it i cant even think about it. it makes me wanna throw up i dont want to lose them but i dont know what to do.

im not saying that talking about and liking fictional characters is bad, i just absolutely despise when my partner talks about their favs. you wanna know what it suggests? if the right person comes around, someone who looks and acts like said character, THEYLL LEAVE ME FOR THEM!! im so sick and tired of this because i dont wanna tell them about it, i’d look like a total control freak!! i cant help but dread the day they find someone like that… sometimes they point out how someone they found online is like a character they like and i feel like crying. i hate it i hate it ihate it iahteitihate it. i know its pathetic. those characters are fictional, and im real! but i dont know.. im so jealous of everyone and everything surrounding them i wish i was the only thing holding them together instead of some bumass friends and characters from a stupid fucking game. i’d get judged for this feeling anywhere else.

why does my partner need other people?? i dont get it. they have me and thats all they need. theyre still in contact with their ex and it infuriates me. they tell me about their friends but i couldnt give less of a shit about those randoms. am i not enough for my partner?? id gladly drop all my friends and devote myself to them only if they asked me to, i dont even talk to anyone besides my partner so why does anyone else matter.i dont get it. if i can drop everyone why cant you??!?!? i cant stop thinking about it because what if they spend more time with someone else and start gaining feelings for them and then what if they drop me and ill be left all alone again i dont want that i love my partner so much they cant just leave me like tgat theu just cnat. i feel like crying whenever they dont respond to me fast enough it sucks they suck i love them but its so terrible. nobody understands me when i say this and its so annoying. they all think im some cringe weirdo. im not. i just cant imagine a world without my partner. i need them to breathe nobody understands at all. id carve their name all over my body if they wanted me to. i hope this reaches people who understand what its like.