F, 19 I’m a very introverted person. I don’t usually talk about what I’m going through, not even properly with people around me. I just keep everything in and deal with it quietly.
But I think I’ve finally gathered enough courage to write this. I’ve been dealing with painful boils in my underarms for around 5 years now, and I only recently found out it’s HS. For the longest time, I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. It would come, swell, hurt like hell, sometimes burst, and then come back again like nothing ever ended. The pain is not something I can explain properly. There are days I can’t even keep my arm down normally because of how much it hurts. Even basic movements feel like too much. You start adjusting your whole life around pain without even realizing it.
What messes with me the most is how long I went without answers. 5 years of guessing, trying different doctors, not knowing what was happening in my own body. And now that I finally know it’s HS, I don’t feel relieved… I just feel scared. Because now I know it’s chronic. I know it can keep coming back. I know it might get worse. People around me don’t really get it because people in India are not very aware of it , especially at home. My parents try, but they don’t really understand what this feels like. From the outside it looks small, but it doesn’t feel small when you’re the one living with it every day.
I also feel like stress has made everything worse. Sometimes I end up overeating just to cope, and then I feel guilty about it later, like I’m making my own condition worse. It becomes this cycle that’s really hard to break. And then hearing things like “just lose weight” makes it hurt even more, because it’s not that simple when you’re already struggling physically and mentally. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of planning my movements. I’m tired of feeling like my own body is working against me.
If anyone else here has HS, especially in the underarms How do you deal with this mentally? Does it actually get better or do you just get used to it?
I just don’t want to feel this alone anymore.