I (19f) have discovered within my past two relationships that I am incapable of romantic love, as soon as I start to gain an interest in a person and after we have slept together I immediately get very unwell, I throw up and have panic attacks almost constantly until I break it off with the person and it’s very weird. I am unable to sleep with a person if there is any emotions involved and I am also unable to sleep with someone while I’m sober or else I experience the same panic attacks or sickeness.
I have major memory problems which have been checked by the doctors (no health problems) so it seems to me psychological but we don’t know what causes it. I am 19 and don’t remember really much before the age of 16, entire events are missing like holidays I’ve been on, people I’ve met etc.
I doubt that I’m traumatised because I feel like I would know if something bad happened but idk tbh.
My friends think that maybe something traumatic has happened to me that I can’t remember and maybe that’s causing this problem? Does anyone know of anything like this or how to deal with it?
(I have uploaded this to another community page as I am new to Reddit and don’t really know where to upload stuff)