u/AgreeableFootball696

I believe that I have “magical thinking OCD”. I have not been professionally diagnosed yet, I do not have medical insurance to get any sort of professional psychological help currently, but the reason why I say that I believe I have “magical thinking OCD” is because I have been having symptoms since I was about 11 years old, it started with me feeling the need to touch every single corner that I would pass by or I felt as if something bad would happen, and after that, my compulsions continued , I experienced different triggers. And now I’m 22 and I feel stuck. I currently have been struggling with a trigger for almost a year now ,and I feel insane. My current trigger is me being afraid that I’m being targeted by a classmate I had my senior year of high school, because she once mentioned that she was Wiccan , and now I’m 22, afraid that she’s trying to “hex me” because I didn’t want to be her friend, that’s all I did, I was a 17 year old kid who didn’t want to be someone’s friend and now I’m 22 , 4 years after graduating high school convinced that someone who now moved away is thinking about specifically hexing me. When I say it out loud or talk about it , it always sounds irrational to me. i think that if I interact with anything connected to her, stores in areas she’s lived in, talk to people connected to her somehow, I’ll be “hexed” . And if I somehow interact with anything/anyone connected to her, I start feeling like this insane anxiety buzz in my body, like I have to do something to cleanse myself FAST. And the only thing that makes me feel better is taking a shower and throwing away anything that I wore when I came in contact with anything connected to her, from earrings, ear buds, clothing, shoes, etc . And this is what is making me feel insane, I feel like I’m stuck in these shower compulsions, I’ll hop in the shower again and again, sometimes this will last about an hour, until I feel relieved, I have to force myself to get out of the bathroom or else I’ll keep jumping in. I’ve cut contact with friends because they live in the area she lived in , because I feel “unsafe” and now I feel sad and lonely . I need any advice, can someone tell me that this is now how witchcraft works? That one cannot simply be “hexed” by touching things, or just by interacting with anything. Any advice please, or anyone out there has had this experience? I feel paralyzed , I want to live again, I’m so tired