u/Aggressive-Moose7929

Zappa Plays Zappa

One Size Fits All: 40th Anniversary Tour

Berklee Performance Center

Boston, MA

Sunday, April 12th, 2015

Around 2014, I (25 at the time) had decided on a whim to get a ticket to see Zappa Plays Zappa, the Frank Zappa tribute show run by Frank’s son, Dweezil. I had been to one other ZPZ show a few years prior from a friend of mine who had introduced me to Frank’s music, including albums like Just Another Band from LA, Shiek Yerbouti, Fillmore East-June 1971, and Hot Rats. I was immediately drawn to his “weird” and “unconventional” songwriting, which, being a child of progressive music like Rush, Yes, Pink Floyd, and ELP, was right up my alley. Plus many of his songs, at least the ones I was exposed to initially, were so funny, even if many of the pop culture references made of those time periods would go right over my head. One of my favorite things to do if I had a friend in the car who was a Zappa Virgin, would be to casually play a Zappa track like “Billy the Mountain” and just watch their reaction go from casual listening to curiosity and bewilderment, to getting to the point where they couldn’t hold back anymore an would just ask, “What even is this?!”, to which I would just say “This is Frank Zappa.” Now, I will say all my friends, minus one, enjoyed Zappa’s music once they got past the initial shock of his style and humor, but the first impressions were always fun for everyone.

On the night of the show, I had my ticket ready and made my way to Boston. Now, I will say right up front: I fucking hate driving through/around/in Boston. I despise it with every fabric of my being. Boston is like the root canal of cities to drive through. The only reason I ever have to go there is for concerts, and even then, I want it to be as quick a commute as possible. Luckily this time, the drive was relatively smooth and I was able to find space in a parking garage close to or next to the Berklee Performance Center that didn’t cost me a kidney and my first-born. As expected, the crowd outside was full of older attendees, mostly guys, but there were several women who seemed just as excited to be there as their husbands or boyfriends were, which is always cool to see that they weren’t dragged there against their will (not to say there weren’t a few women that looked like they’d rather be anywhere else, but the majority seemed very enthusiastic like their partners.)

As we made our way into the building, I naturally took a glance at the merch table that was not far from the main entrance. I grabbed myself a shirt (which either got lost or ruined since then, so unfortunately, it is no longer in my possession) and followed the crowd to the first set of ushers. Now, normally for a concert, I like to be front and center and will do whatever I can to be as close to the band as I can, but this mostly applies to bands that I am deeply passionate about and will likely sing along to or just rock out to in the crowd. But since this was very much and impromptu night out and it was a seated theater, I was happy to just be there and experience the show, no matter where I was in the audience. Well…almost.

The first usher directed me up a flight of stairs to the next usher, who was standing at the railing of the mezzanine overlooking the stage. I showed him my ticket, and he led me to the front of my section where he counted up the rows and down the aisle to my seat…which someone was already sitting in.

Now, I’m nervous. I didn’t get my ticket from a scalper or anything like that, it was straight through Ticketmaster, so I couldn’t imagine them giving out two tickets for the same seat, although I guess I wouldn’t put it past them if it did happen. The usher, confused, recounts the rows and aisles and ends up on the same seat. He calmly asks the man (I’ll call him Bobby Brown) and his “date” (both in their 30’s, thereabouts) for their tickets. Bobby hands them over confidently, and the usher looks them over. Whelp, someone made a mistake, but thankfully, it wasn’t me or the usher.

The usher looks up at the couple and says to Bobby “She’s in the right seat…but you’re not.” and points to where his seat is: five more rows back and I think a few seats over from the center. Bobby, of course, goes into denial, and says that he is positive that he is in the right seat and maybe my ticket was wrong, but the usher confirms that he is not. This guy apparently got two seats for himself and his date, didn’t even look to see if they were together (or didn’t care), and just thought if they sat together, no one would question it. Well, thankfully, the usher did, so now Bobby goes to his next tactic: Guilt and Bargaining.

Seeing as Bobby couldn’t change the usher’s mind about the seating arrangement, he turned his attention to me and was borderline begging me to take his seat that was further back so he and his date could sit together. He was using a tone that very much sounded like “C’mon man, you gotta let us sit together. You wouldn’t wanna be the bad guy here and separate us, would you?” and honestly, he may have even said something like that; this was over ten years ago at this point, so the exact exchange is a little hazy. Now, I did not want to make a scene (Bobby was already on his way to doing that himself and I could tell his date felt super embarrassed an awkward) and I don’t like confrontation, as it can make my anxiety turn into almost like a paralysis, and I think the usher could see that since I was only standing there quietly as Bobby pleaded his case to me.

When Bobby finally stopped playing lawyer, there was a brief pause and the usher turned to me and said, “Do you want to give up your seat or stay where you are?” and even though my internal monologue was “Of fucking course I’m keeping my seat!” I said rather passively yes, I was keeping my seat, leaving Bobby to have to watch the show alone. I could tell the way the usher looked back to Bobby after I gave my ruling that he was happy I didn’t give up my seat; he knew as well as I did (and probably Bobby too) that Bobby was the one that fucked up buying the tickets and was trying to get away with it to salvage what he could of this date.

Bobby, knowing that it would be useless to push this further, quietly gathered up his coat and moved back five rows to his actual seat while his date (who still hadn’t said anything to anyone) stayed in hers. Now, I had no intention of making a move on Bobby’s date because of his fuck-up, but I’m sure he was eyeing me the entire show to make sure I didn’t “accidentally” put my arm on her shoulders or shared the same arm rest. I was only there to enjoy the music of Zappa. And I did. The show was incredible, Dweezil told a few stories, including the then-current legal battle about his brother trying to steal the rights to Frank’s music from Dweezil so ZPZ could no longer perform his dad’s songs and so he could make stupid merch, very much in vein of KISS, although a Zappa condom with his trademark moustache + soul patch logo would be more funny than anything. Naturally the audience booed Dweezil’s brother and stood by Dweezil’s fight to keep Frank’s music alive for years to come.

When the show finished, I got up and left, having said nothing to Bobby’s date the entire time, and drove home, laughing to myself about how Bobby’s drive home probably went, likely whining about how mean I was for not letting him and his girl sit together, and his date calling him out for not noticing (or, again, not caring) that they got completely separate seats.

Always makes me smile.

Nightmare | March 3rd, 2025 | 11:25PM

Zappa Plays Zappa: Bobby Brown Gets Shut Down