u/Aggressive-Let-5581

What do you do with all the love you have for them?

Logically (stupidly) I know I could channel it into someone else, taking care of what remains

But it doesn't work like that

I know I could keep sending it to her, wherever she is, but it feels like there's a wall up now.

Like someone ripped my baby from me and built a solid, cold concrete wall. I'll spend forever crying to, sitting at, clawing at.

I have never experienced grief like this in my life. It's relentless.

I'm absolutely terrified that this is our reality, and the thought that time stretches on. It was only a few days ago that she was still alive, and now the time will keep moving, that will get further away, and it's completely out of my control.

It's the worst feeling I've ever felt. I thought I'd been through everything. I wouldn't wish this on anyone

I love you Bun. Your life is missing

Does anyone have any positive stories, about feeling better? I need to know it gets easier

Life started without you,

You came in at the perfect time

Became part of what mattered

Someone I get to love

I can't believe you're gone. Just gone.

I couldn't save you, protect you

My sweet love

Nothing could, you are so small

So fucking small, a fraction of me

And the biggest hole is left

Bigger and always growing bigger

Than the one you lay in

I'm sorry that you were born into this world

It's not one made for souls like yours, tiny paws like yours

I'm going to believe now

You're still with us, somewhere else

I wonder what your heaven would look like

Would I be there?

Taking care of you, eternity

I swear, I would

-

My baby Bun passed away on Saturday in the middle of the night. She was only 18 months. She leaves me, Alex and her sister honey. We are bereft.

They thought it was diabetes, we were so ready to do all we could. A cat so young, they knew there was something else happening and they were right. She only got worse, quickly. Full organ failure. She just deteriorated so fast.

Her poor little body heaving with each breath, her little nose straining to suck in air. She's so small. 2.6kg.

It wasn't even a decision, if we didn't put her to sleep, she only had hours left.

Alex was sobbing, got her out of the oxygen tent, quickly, before she got worse,

he held her the way he always does, scooped up like a baby, his baby

Looking in her eyes

She went so peacefully. She stared up at him with all the love in the world. She fell asleep.

He said it felt like her soul went into his.

Our house is her house. It was our first home, we got the keys and we got the cats the next month. She's lived here too, with us. They were tiny, only 10 weeks, the cutest damn kittens you ever saw. Bun black and white with a perfectly split checkerboard face. Honey a moggy Calico/tabico.

Bun's always been a little weirdo, and absolute freak, the opposite of honey - a normal, elegant cat - Bun was the wobbliest, slowest, silliest, vacant creature. She couldn't climb or balance or hunt.

ALL she did was love and and be loved

And I mean it, she followed you everywhere

She stood literally under your feet

When you sit down to eat, without fail she would be right next to you, staring at you, gently reaching out for your food

Every morning she would wake me up by clumsily walking up onto my chest and making biscuits

She would clamber up and flop her butt in her little area between your legs

Everywhere we look, she is there

The last wee she did is still in the tray. We can't even clean it up.

Alex is wearing her collar on his wrist.

She has a beautiful area in the garden Alex's dad made for her, buried her, she looked so beautiful even in death, I didn't want to lose her.

I didn't want to let go of her sweet little body.

Bun

You were all the love in the world, in such a small thing

You shared our love

Created it

Your loss has brought us despair

But above all,

More love

We are clinging to each other now, in honour of you

Thank you for being so good to love

Such a short time

All our friends love you, some hadn't even met you

Thank you Bunny

We promise, we are going to love you and remember you, keep you alive in our hearts forever.

We have so much more love to give you.