starting to hate this industry - need help
After working with dogs for a few years now and loving it, I got into bathing last year as a step toward eventually grooming or at least making more money than I was before. Becoming a groomer is the goal, but there's no way I could have afforded to go back to school even before the recession and it's hard to find someone to apprentice with, so I figured I'd start at the bottom and work my way there.
I was at a local shop for a couple of weeks before the owner fired me without warning because I "wasn't dominant enough." So I moved to another place where I've been for the last few months and yesterday I finally broke down at work. The person who owns the business has no experience bathing dogs, created some bullshit timing system that tracks how fast we go, schedules big, curly-haired dogs to be done within 15min-1hr of each other PER BATHER, watches the cameras all day to see when we fuck up, and books 10+ dogs a day per person, most of which are large poodle mixes. The owner talks to us like we're stupid because we can't comfortably get this many dogs perfectly done in the time allotted to us and calls us "replaceable" to our faces. But I don't necessarily care how they treat me as long as I can be kind and patient with the dogs. The problem is that so many dogs come in every day who aren't trained at all and need to be rushed through despite being very nervous. So the only way we can get this many dogs done and keeps our jobs is by manhandling and forcing them through the process and yesterday I was getting so fed up with how much the dogs were fighting me and putting me behind and I was angry and then I looked in the eyes of the dog I was working on and she looked scared and the idea that I made her feel in anyway unsafe caused me to just breakdown right then and there. I have never and will never do anything to hurt a dog, I hardly raise my voice to them. I just got so angry and she could clearly see that.
I just want to bathe dogs and be allowed to do an actually good job and take care of them. I'm okay with pushing them, but I don't wanna be the reason they're scared. I want to be proud of my work. I feel disgusted with myself, but there's no other bathing jobs out there. I check most days. I don't know what to do. I have no support system to fall back on if I don't have a job.