I don’t really know how else to word the title but here’s the situation that happened tonight. Our youngest son’s 4th birthday is in a couple days and since it’s during the week, we chose to do something this weekend. We took our kids and our niece and nephew somewhere and then we came back to the house for dinner and dessert. There was planned to be 7 cupcakes for 7 kids and teens, the birthday boy having a specialty one. Two ended up not coming and one chose to have pie instead, so that left 3 of the general cupcakes free. Birthday boy decided he would rather eat one of the general ones, which was fine because again there were 3 extra now. My husband ate another, so that left 1 remaining. My nephew asked if he could have another cupcake and I declined saying he could have a piece of pie if he still wanted some more sweets. I didn’t think it was fair to give a second to one kid and not have any available for another if they wanted a second. Not sure why I didn’t say that, but what came out was I was saving it for birthday boys actual birthday in a couple days. I know, stupid, but I got flustered because instead of pulling me off to the side and trying to get me to see a different view so our nephew could just have the cupcake, he decided to loudly in front of everyone ask why I couldn’t just give nephew the cupcake and to just give it to him. That pissed me off and I went to just give the kid the damn cupcake, but nephew was clearly very uncomfortable now and politely declined and said he’d have some pie, so I took it back and he got pie.
This was all happening in the evening while the sun was going down and close to all the littles bed times. Birthday boy wanted to go back outside, but it was getting late so I mentioned that we were done with outside for today and it was time to start settling down. Again, my husband decides to loudly go against what I just said and asks what the big deal is and to let him go outside, that it’s his birthday and the weekend. Now, if he had mentioned it quietly to me I would have agreed that makes sense and it would have been fine. But how he handled it felt completely disrespectful. I got up and walked away and decided I wasn’t handling the kids for the remainder of the evening because clearly whatever I said didn’t matter.
We argued later when kids weren’t around. I pointed out it upset me what he did, he dismissed why I was upset because “it’s just a cupcake and who cares if he goes outside”. But that’s not the point. I consciously make an effort to make sure that if I don’t agree with what he’s saying/doing, that I speak to him about it when the kids aren’t around. He argued back that I do argue with the kids around because I don’t take his side when he has a disagreement with our teens. To which I pointed out that no I don’t argue with him, I stay silent and there’s a difference. Because I refuse to take his side when I don’t agree with him, but I won’t say it in front of the kids.
TLDR: Husband loudly went against what I said to the kids (and in front of the kids) instead of quietly pulling me off to the side to discuss it. Completely dismissed me when I pointed out I was upset.