u/AgencyOld1237

Throughout highschool I had a lot of male friends. I definitely had some female friends as well, but I always figured that I simply got along better with boys because of my more "masculine" interests like gaming, off-roading, camping, etc. (Obviously girls can also be into these things, this was just my line of thinking at the time)

From my perspective we were friends and I treated them as the boys would treat each other. I had no issues talking/hanging out with someone alone, going to get food together, late night drives, etc. I honestly figured that if there was ever meaning behind these things, they would clarify it as a "date".

Well, several of my friends ended up having a crush on me; I would reject them but continue to be friendly with them because in my brain we were originally friends and it would be silly to stop being friends over some feelings neither of us had control over. Plus, surely everyone would want to keep their friendships.... right?

Unsurprisingly this led to some issues where I was often accused of leading people on, rejecting them, and then continuing to toy with their feelings.

Looking back now, I can fully realize that a good portion of my male "friends" likely only got close to me because there was some sort of romantic interest/initial curiosity. And because of that, there wasnt much interest on their end to keep the friendship going. I even had a guy who I had considered one of my best friends for several years decide he couldn't talk to me anymore; I later learned he was telling a mutual friend that he was convinced that if he just kept hanging out with me then I was bound to like him eventually.

Obviously this was all upsetting at the time but looking back, it just kind of amuses me. I genuinely had never considered the fact that people may talk to someone because they are either already interested or just exploring the possibility of a potential partner. Up until recently (in my mid-20s) I assumed that being platonic friends before seeing anyone romantically was just the normal default 😅 I understand now that its not, even if I personally cannot understand how you can have any sort of attraction to someone withiut knowing them for an extended amount of time first.

Thats all! I would love to hear from anyone who can possibly relate to this c:

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Although its been a while since this happened, I didn't realize until more recently some of the longer-lasting impacts it may have had on me, and i really just want somehwere to word everything out.

I (21f at the time) was over at my friend Joe's house along with two other friends. Joe was a pretty long term friend of mine, we had known each other since middle school but had actually become closer friends early on in Highschool. He was one of the only guys at the time I was super comfortable with hugging, being alone with, etc., while knowing there were no hidden intentions behind our friendship. *Highschool was an especially rough time as most of my friend group were guys, which turned out a lot of them were only my friend bc they wanted to date/sleep with me, so having this trusted male friend was super important to me.*

The other two friends had left for a while, which at this point I dont remember why.

As Joe and I were alone, I started confiding in him that his roommate/friend Matt made me a little uncomfortable and I couldn't really tell what his intentions were. Joe assured me that Matt is just a "silly quirky dude" and he was just "meming" on me and I have nothing to worry about.

Later that evening after the two others returned, Joe called Matt to see what time he would be home. Matt, clearly unaware that he was on speaker phone and there was company over, started to randomly talk about wanting to jump me, mentioned him and a mutual friend had gone out shooting recently, and that i could be taken into the desert and "end up dead tomorrow". Im sitting there obviously shaking and on the verge of a panic attack, the other two friends were equally shocked.

But Joe? He just laughed and asked Matt why hes suddenly bringing me up. Didnt ask him *why* hes saying these things about me. Didnt tell him thats not an okay thing to say. Didn't say a single thing to defend me. He didn't seem confused or shocked at this conversation. He seemed amused. I realized that if both of them are both comfortable enough to have this sort of conversation about me then this isnt the first time its happened and its not the only things that have been said about me. If conversations about my murder was a normal conversation for them, I honestly dont even want to know what else may have been said.

Haven't talked to either of them since except for Joe messaging me 'happy birthday' a couple years later. I honestly dont know if hes even aware of why I stopped talking to him.

I thought I moved on and wasnt effected by it until I happened to run into Matt twice in public. I honestly dont know if he even saw me either time, but I saw *him* and it was enough to send me into a momentary panic.

Since then I also havent had any guy friends except for long-distance online ones. Any IRL male friends I keep at a distance and try not to hang out alone with. I dont like meeting new men or going on dates. Im always scared that my friends are talking about me behind my back.

Honestly I dont even think my biggest issue is the threat of my murder. It was the realization that my long-trusted friend had absolutely 0 regard for my comfort, feelings, or safety. If he was able to totally blindside me like that, how many other people could do the same?

I probably should have started therapy after all this happened but I used to very much act like nothing bothered me, but maybe I should start considering it now.

It was long, thanks for reading :)