u/After_Analyst3467

So I'd randomly get joint pain and still do but it was much more random in the beginning. Most of the time it was diagnosed as tendonitis and healed within 6 weeks. If I walked for half a mile more than I was use to my knees would begin to crackle and I'd get a really bad migraine from walking in the sun. both my Patellas are tipped but I haven't had any crackling since September.

I started weightlifting in 2022 and I would still randomly have joint pain but I'd stop going to the doctors around 2023 because my rheumatologist said only come back for an unexplained rash, swelling or fever and I don't have a thermometer. When I rashed up I wasn't in any pain and my mom forgot who my doctors were so I kinda ignored all that. and kept weightlifting.

I noticed that the working joints that weren't in pain would help the injuries or whatever heal faster. But then in September I started feeling like I'd just flare up from any form of resistance. I went from repping a 135 squat to pain and cracking from a bodyweight squat. I also had chest pain, and a bruise on my left ankle that suddenly became very painful. Went to my Ruem finally. No rash, swelling or fever. Sent home with a diagnosis of costocondritis and flat footedness.

I never really had an issue with flat feet like my dad or brother. Unless we count every bout of ankle pain of course. I asked my PCP for disability because I just stopped working and leaving my bed for the most part. She said to ask my Ruem. He said it's her responsibility but the only accommodations he could offer were moving as much as possible. To which I responded "I am" But he gave me my paperwork and sent me home.

Went to my PCP and she said she couldn't offer anything because there was no abnormality in my joint and I'm negative autoimmune disease. At the time and currently I am biasing my knees. I finally got an X-ray after like 6 months of complaining and my kneecaps are misaligned.

I just switched PCPs around October because my old PCP gave me an inhaler and diagnosed me with asthma for my costrochondritis which made me feel terrible. There's not much places to go for healthcare with state insurance. They're telling me to move but I'm already doing what I can cause I'm scared to atrophy. When I could still work I'd eat salmon, chicken, beef, fruit, candy, cereal and a little veggies and that was most of my diet. They blamed my low cholesterol on a shit diet. My vitamin D basically halved in the last 3 months and that's just diet. Idk how I'm supposed to eat well and exersize if I can't always muster up the energy to acquire capital or exercise.

Oh and now if it's too sunny and I go outside for 15 mins+ I'll feel nauseous and lightheaded and get a migraine and vomit if stressed in anyway including walking or hearing a baby cry.

You can let me suffer. And to help you sleepp you will do it in the philosophy of do no harm. Because that’s right. You can hurt me while trying to help me bend my knee. Under the very precise soft tissue stress that physical therapy induces. The day you administered an inhaler for chest pain and it just became so painful to touch my chest I dreaded the zippers on my hoodies. The collars of my shirt. The day you told me I was depressed when I expressed my pain was too much to bear… You took away all my hope of getting better. You get paid. You can feed yourself. You… are able. Maybe to flick a mouse without feeling a sharp crack in your elbow. Maybe to sleep without chest pain. Maybe to ride a scooter. Maybe even help me. I don’t know, I’m just a dumb teenager. But soon I’ll be 20 and I recently took a liking to life. I’ve grown attached. Silly me.

I am not able. To shower everyday. To stand every hour. To breathe every night. To sit too long. To sit too long in the sun. To get better. I am not able to find friends who are okay with my walking speed. I don’t know how to find a lover and tell them “I feel like I’m dying but my Doctor Nurse said my bloodwork’s clear.” My knees are damaged but my doctor said I should walk it off. The issue I went to him for was the increasing inability to bend my leg. Should I tie the noose? No. I have earned the title of a warrior.

It’s torture. Sorry If I misspell "exercising something that’s already been strained by nothing”. I get it. It helped… when I had the energy to get downstairs. But well how do I get to my room now Elizabeth? Did you think of that? My knee snaps when it bends, you make me bend it and the next day I have a brick dividing my upper and lower leg. It doesn’t look like that at least. You see, I don't swell. I don’t have bad enough bloodwork. I rash but not often enough. I have years of joint pain complaints, no arthritis and 3 or more diagnosable injuries. I get migraines, nausea, chest pain, heart palpations, crippling fatigue and stomach pain like everyone else. It must be my fault. So I’m gonna die. We’re all gonna die but I’m gonna die as a writer.

Sorry it’s just freshman year when my wrist started hurting. I noticed it on the pushup test. Then I noticed it while taking notes in class. Inconvenient both of these activities were graded. I’d go on to do the push up test every time to the best of my comfortability. The grade was for taking the test not how well you did but the position certainly hurt. I stopped note taking and failed the class.

Junior year I would be diagnosed with "prepubescent female with loose joints” So that would be the explanation for the wrist pain. I started Pt soon after and my physical therapist would go on to notice a cyst growing in my hand. I returned to the doctor but he didn’t see it and repeated it’s just from loose joints you can only do Pt. Something that I would go on to hear every time I asked for help. I was diagnosed with a ganglion cyst in 2025. A little after it stopped hurting.

I went on a walk today. I actually love walking. It can just become much harder sometimes and certainly this year. I've grown to love it even more as it’s become more scarce to be capable of. My physical therapist kept telling me to bend my knee but sometimes it’ll pop and hurt so I’d only listen in front of her. I’d barely leave my room the next day because my knees would feel like they had rubber balls in them instead of soreness. I’d feel no torque when attempting to bend as if my knee didn’t really exist. Then a day or two later I'd show up a still a little worse than the last session. I just wanted more proof I tried with their barbaric practices. I guess my physical therapist only scanned the written documentation for my intake. From what my PCP and Knee specialist have said there might not even be proof I went through that torture. I truly have nothing to live for but pain at this point and I just want everyone to know I exist.

You can let me suffer. And to help you sleepp you will do it in the philosophy of do no harm. Because that’s right. You can hurt me while trying to help me bend my knee. Under the very precise soft tissue stress that physical therapy induces. The day you administered an inhaler for chest pain and it just became so painful to touch my chest I dreaded the zippers on my hoodies. The collars of my shirt. The day you told me I was depressed when I expressed my pain was too much to bear… You took away all my hope of getting better. You get paid. You can feed yourself. You… are able. Maybe to flick a mouse without feeling a sharp crack in your elbow. Maybe to sleep without chest pain. Maybe to ride a scooter. Maybe even help me. I don’t know, I’m just a dumb teenager. But soon I’ll be 20 and I recently took a liking to life. I’ve grown attached. Silly me.
I am not able. To shower everyday. To stand every hour. To breathe every night. To sit too long. To sit too long in the sun. To get better. I am not able to find friends who are okay with my walking speed. I don’t know how to find a lover and tell them “I feel like I’m dying but my Doctor Nurse said my bloodwork’s clear.” My knees are damaged but my doctor said I should walk it off. The issue I went to him for was the increasing inability to bend my leg. Should I tie the noose? No. I have earned the title of a warrior.
It’s torture. Sorry If I misspell "exercising something that’s already been strained by nothing”. I get it. It helped… when I had the energy to get downstairs. But well how do I get to my room now Elizabeth? Did you think of that? My knee snaps when it bends, you make me bend it and the next day I have a brick dividing my upper and lower leg. It doesn’t look like that at least. You see, I don't swell. I don’t have bad enough bloodwork. I rash but not often enough. I have years of joint pain complaints, no arthritis and 3 or more diagnosable injuries. I get migraines, nausea, chest pain, heart palpations, crippling fatigue and stomach pain like everyone else. It must be my fault. So I’m gonna die. We’re all gonna die but I’m gonna die as a writer.
Sorry it’s just freshman year when my wrist started hurting. I noticed it on the pushup test. Then I noticed it while taking notes in class. Inconvenient both of these activities were graded. I’d go on to do the push up test every time to the best of my comfortability. The grade was for taking the test not how well you did but the position certainly hurt. I stopped note taking and failed the class.
Junior year I would be diagnosed with "prepubescent female with loose joints” So that would be the explanation for the wrist pain. I started Pt soon after and my physical therapist would go on to notice a cyst growing in my hand. I returned to the doctor but he didn’t see it and repeated it’s just from loose joints you can only do Pt. Something that I would go on to hear every time I asked for help. I was diagnosed with a ganglion cyst in 2025. A little after it stopped hurting.
I went on a walk today. I actually love walking. It can just become much harder sometimes and certainly this year. I've grown to love it even more as it’s become more scarce to be capable of. My physical therapist kept telling me to bend my knee but sometimes it’ll pop and hurt so I’d only listen in front of her. I’d barely leave my room the next day because my knees would feel like they had rubber balls in them instead of soreness. I’d feel no torque when attempting to bend as if my knee didn’t really exist. Then a day or two later I'd show up a still a little worse than the last session. I just wanted more proof I tried with their barbaric practices. I guess my physical therapist only scanned the written documentation for my intake. From what my PCP and Knee specialist have said there might not even be proof I went through that torture. I truly have nothing to live for but pain at this point and I just want everyone to know I exist.