I am a 47yr old only child and live with my husband, 20-yr-old daughter and disabled mom. My dad died in 2020 and my mom started having neurological symptoms in 2022 that advanced so much she couldn't live alone any longer by 2024 I lived an hour away from her and with her only having one sister near her with significant medical issues of her own and mom's inability to afford assisted living or nursing home, we moved mom in with us and sold her house in 2024.
Anyway, my mom frustrates extremely easily. One teeny tiny little thing can not go her way and she gets mad and balls her fist up and beats her hip with it. As I was growing up, this really wore on me because I hate anyone being upset and this happened at least several times a day every day. (I didnt even realize how bizarre this behavior was until she was in the hospital recently and I saw the nurses' reaction to it. One tried physically holding her arm to prevent her from doing it.) It caused me so much more stress and, needless to say, I moved out ASAP when I grew up.
My daughter started having panic attacks when she was 13 and I even stopped taking her to visit my mom for a while after my dad passed away because my mom's outbursts would overwhelm her.
When Mom couldn't take care of herself without falling and I am the only one around to help her, I felt I didnt have a choice but to move her in. And that is the problem. Not only am I burned out with working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of her and taking her to so many appointments, but I am sick of her outbursts. I work so much to attempt to keep her frustration low to keep them to a minimum but it's exhausting and no matter what I do, it's never enough. One night recently, she went on for an extended period in her room while I was working and my easygoing husband lost it and yelled at her and beat his hip imitating her to show her how ridiculous it was. He was so angry that he bruised himself.
I have very little time to myself. It seems all my time gets eaten by just trying to stay afloat. There's no relief in sight. She will probably outlive me because the stress is killing me. Most days lately I feel suicidal and I am already on an antidepressants. So I resent my mom and I really dont know what to do. I just dont know how I can live like this for another 10, 15, 20 years. Everything in the world feels like it's spinning out of control and hopeless. I love her but I am tired.