Help Me Find A Reason to Stay in NL
I wanted to share my story here. I came to this province for my family. My wife has some roots here and it always seemed a good idea. I was tired of moving around with the military. I wanted a nice place to settle down and raise my family. They deserved that. And I felt like I deserved that. My wife had always talked about her childhood in Newfoundland fondly. It's a beautiful island. I looked forward to fishing and meeting friendly people. I was excited. I was naive.
So when we sold the house, the cheap real estate in Newfoundland started seeming like a no brainer for our next move instead of upgrading to Markham and higher rent. So we moved. And everyone was happy about it.
At first, we loved it. Mind you, people were friendly. It seemed like they were almost terrified to be anything other than friendly or just really hoping we liked them. It's a small town. And I was warned that a small town in Ontario is like a medium sized city or major hub in NL, and that small towns are nice, but can be toxic at times. I assumed that was exaggerated or we could handle anything. What I didn't expect was the sheer intensity of the social obsession and competitiveness and sheer stupidity and jealousy of people, as well as how narrow minded and hostile they can be towards people who are different. It started with the kids
My teenage son is autistic. Low support needs or level one, but he does need some supports and is generally likeable, but I've also taught him to stand up for himself and not to let people make fun of him. My daughter is older and a social butterfly, part of the queer community, and was always nervous about being open about that in a new spot -- especially a small town.
In the first couple months we had a call to come to the school for my son. They wanted to talk to me about something he'd been saying that was inappropriate. I expected it was just his blunt language or him being a male autistic person meaning he said something while mad and someone clutched their pearls and made a bigger deal about it for the stigma around it. Turns out, no. Principal tells me my son said he was autistic, and people found it offensive.
I started laughing, which didn't help, but I told him my son IS autistic. It was even in his record, which they had not even read before calling. This principal was so stupid he and apparently most everyone else didn't know autistic people could talk or were high masking. I explained all that to him and showed him my son's medical record and letter on file and he seemed so confused even then. He then asks me if I can talk to my son and ask him if he'll start saying Aspergers instead of autism so people wouldn't assume he was trying to claim he was disabled.
I told him no. I explained that Aspergers doesn't even exist anymore. I explained the levels of autism and support needs and that he instead needed to teach these kids and teachers the difference. He just laughs. Says he needs time to think about it but will do his best to make sure everyone is satisfied. And I'm sitting there laughing trying not to be mad. Just laughing at how stupid the situation even is.
I'm used to social rank. I respect social rank. But I quickly learned that in these small towns in Newfoundland, for some reason, teachers are at the top of the totem pole. Where I come from, not so much. So it came as more than a shock when they were basically trying to flex on me and convince me and my son to pretend we're 12 years behind the rest of the world on neurodiversity just to save a handful of morons the embarrassment. And I found out that them being corrected by me and my son was somehow taken as this huge insult or me not staying in my lane. Either way, I wasn't going to pretend to be stupid just to make stupid people not feel stupid. I told my son to stand his ground to0. To teach them the difference.
Anyway. It turned into this whole really weird really toxic shit storm that for some reason wouldn't blow over. Teachers started rumors about me and my wife. The general attitude was that our whole family thought ourselves better than everyone around and that the school was terrible, and for some reason the whole town were posting about us on social media almost every day, and all without our permission.
It was like every post we made was scrutinized or people went out of their way to make themselves believe it was somehow talking trash about them or other people, in posts that were just everyday posts that had nothing to do with any of them at all. My wife started being upset the most. She was always more social with everyone and dealt with the the shut directly. Then they started bullying my daughter. Grown adults. The overall conclusion about us was that we were some sort of crazy family trying to change everything about the town, while at the same time thinking we were better than everyone in it and nothing was good enough.
We thought winter break and going to Ontario for a month would give us a break, and it did, but when we got back, it was like the rumor mill churned faster while we were gone. My daughter was being picked on for her new clothes and my wife stood up for her telling these girls they were just jealous of her and maybe they should focus on themselves more instead of trying to tear her down. That somehow got interpreted as my wife making fun of their weight, and the next thing you know, we're caught up in another drama we didn't want and never asked for.
At the end, I lost it. My temper could only be held back so much and I told all those idiots what I thought of them. How unimaginably stupid they all were and how we were so sick of having to explain everything all the time while nobody seemed to learn anything. How obsessed everyone was with their reputations and how backward everyone was about everything. And you'd think after that people would at least leave us alone. But they didn't. Huge posts about "accountability" this and "culture wars" that and "woke" this and just every weird thing imaginable instead of actually apologizing to us. Holding themselves accountable for basically bullying us into reacting and standing up for ourselves and using our reactions to make us seem like we were the bad ones.
After less than 2 years here we want to move back more than anything. Anywhere else. And people were talking to keep saying to just go to St. John's and we'll have the best of both worlds. Renting out the property here and useing it to supplement an apartment or morage in St. John's is what people keep saying is our best bet, but my son has found friends here too, finally. Other outcasts like him. My daughter seems more focused on her grades and going to university soon regardless.
But I've come to hate these people. I dont respect them. I am constantly frustrated by how stupid they are and how they just judge the ship out of everyone despite the fact that most of them have absolutely nothing to be proud about aside from a cabin and a four wheeler and the fact they aren't being targeted by their community. I feel like if I stay here I'm going to snap, and the wife feels the same way. They're friendly to your face but as soon as you show you are different they will bully the shit out of you and I can't respect people who do that, let alone a whole culture of them
Should I move to St. John's or is that the same beast with a different name? Are we better off elsewhere or is there a town here that is somehow not a slow dose of poison that eventually kills you?