Sexual dream involving ex gf while irl in a female led long distance relationship
It didn't end very well between us irl. We were going to have penetrative sex but instead I somehow came buckets all over her. I spent my time licking all my cum off her and she was proud of me. I wanted to then fuck her but tbh I was anxious that since I already came I wouldnt be able to make love to her that well. Our dynamics were also very female led relationship oriented back then but since I was younger I wasnt sure exactly what I wanted back then so our relationship suffered. She also had alot of problems mental problems, bpd and voices. My current relationship is long distance and she's very private. Also alot of similar problems but way more balanced as a person, shes studying at a law school. Alot of worry about trust and such on my end. I often feel guilty when I dream of my ex gf. During the day I sometimes feel like im underappreciated because we have different love languages and part of me is worried we wont meet. Alot of fear. Sometimes I even think about letting another girl take me but then I feel guilty at the thought.
She doesn't like giving validation and sometimes thats really really hard. Relationship dynamic involves me often trying to please her and serve her as much as I can. For the mbti nerds I'm an anxious attachment ENFP and she's an avoidant INTP.