u/AffectionateProof271

Adelaide:
lF… the win against Port was good
THEN… The imminent win against Richmond needs to be great

Brisbane:
IF… Bailey is a good player, and gets a lot of goals
THEN… he’ll get more against Carlton. Also good that he’s a free agent soon

Carlton:
IF… Brisbane whiteboard incident occurred
THEN… good they weren’t playing Carlton, there’d be no strengths listed [yes, this is pretty much what he said]

Collingwood:
IF… Pendlebury wearing a gold 10 on his jumper is controversial
THEN… it should be. It’s unnecessary

Essendon:
IF… coach said it was lazy to talk shit about mckay
THEN… Why drop him? Mixed signals!

Fremantle:
IF… you’re not aware that Jackson is the second best player in the league
THEN… you should hang your head in shame after last nights game and start appreciating him more

Geelong:
IF… a player due for big game
THEN… perhaps Dangerfield?

Gold Coast:
IF… Witts was managed
THEN… he’s still not playing. Time to unleash Moyle

GWS:
IF… I usually wait 8 rounds to decide if a team is good
THEN… Giants aren’t good and the coach should be as concerned as I am

Hawthorn:
IF… Mitchell’s game plan is unquestionable
THEN… there are other things to scrutinise [not entirely clear what he thinks these things are, he talks about Gunston and Watson being brilliant & Barrass and Day being injured - I don’t see a coorelation]

Melbourne:
IF… enter this round with a 5-3 scoreline
THEN… should easily beat west coast

North Melbourne:
IF… the game against Sydney is also a 30 year anniversary of the north Melbourne premiership win against Sydney
THEN… surely the current players will be possessed by the spirits of the old north Melbourne players

Port Adelaide:
IF… Hinkley is no longer coach
THEN… he deserves a 20k refund for the fine he got during the ginnivan incident

Richmond:
IF… Jed Walter not getting game at Gold Coast
THEN… Richmond should obtain him

St Kilda:
IF… Marshall had a good game
THEN… is a statement, considering how much they spent on de koning

Sydney:
IF… Sydney good, and I like them
THEN… they might not beat north Melbourne

West Coast:
IF… [defines “rut”]
THEN… west coast are in a rut

Western Bulldogs:
IF… Bontempelli is good
THEN… he’s pretty much immortal and also has nice hair

AFL:
IF… Elijah Hollands case was bad
THEN… hopefully will have an impact and make sure nothing like it happens again

Yes this is a very productive use of my morning

Adelaide:
lF… I liked Rankine previously
THEN… I still do - but he needs to lift, perhaps he should start this week

Brisbane:
IF… Zorko is back
THEN… New draftee surely also good (Curtin)

Carlton:
IF… can ignore how poor they’ve been this year
THEN… could perhaps beat Saints

Collingwood:
IF… Moore (Hawthorn) feels good about last nights result
THEN… Moore (Collingwood) probably doesn’t

Essendon:
IF… shit the bed on Anzac Day
THEN… Why drop Tsatas? Not his fault they suck [doesn’t directly say it, but we know he means it]

Fremantle:
IF… Key forwards are good
THEN… they should score well this game against the Dogs

Geelong:
IF… No Blicavs
THEN… De Koning and Kolodjashnij are not sufficient replacements. Perhaps will lose to North Melbourne??

Gold Coast:
IF… they were premiership favourites earlier in the year
THEN… they’re not anymore. [Thanks Damo, very insightful]

GWS:
IF… I don’t like writing off players
THEN… I’m gonna do it to Hogan anyway because he’s been poor this year

Hawthorn:
IF… Macdonald has played 98 games
THEN… last nights game perhaps his best

Melbourne:
IF… people didn’t expect the CEO to be sacked
THEN… it was a brilliant business decision 🤓

North Melbourne:
IF… last game was good and poor umpiring perhaps skewed results
THEN… boohoo, still should’ve won that one. It’s Clarko’s fourth year and honourable losses don’t exist [old mate really doesn’t like north]

Port Adelaide:
IF… good to see showdown on a Friday night
THEN… AFL sucks for playing another game at the same time [guess he has nothing to say about port?]

Richmond:
IF… Lalor is injured again
THEN… not good. Club has too many injuries

St Kilda:
IF… other clubs look for loopholes with the new draft rules
THEN… Saints probably find them first

Sydney: IF… Grundy good again
THEN… is because of coach

West Coast:
IF… don’t beat Richmond this week
THEN… they’re worse than he thought

Western Bulldogs:
IF… Bevo and him have long-running beef
THEN… he still agrees with the things he says sometimes

AFL:
IF… Tasmania enter comp soon
THEN… AFL should fix fixture

See yall next week (if I remember 🙂‍↕️)