u/AffectionateKick3958

Thank you in advance to anybody who takes the time to read my question. My 12 year old girl passed away peacefully at home on Tuesday. I was full time caring for her and it was an absolute honour to care for her up to the end. She was my world.

In April 2025, she had a clean bill of health, the vet even noted how healthy she was for her age. In September 2025, I discovered a bump on her lip that was biopsied and it ended up being cancerous. Mast cell tumour or lymphoma was the diagnosis, but since treatment was similar and we were not opting for surgery, we didn’t confirm with more testing. After that, she just started to decline further. Her cognitive symptoms such as hiding under furniture began in January 2026, and by May 2026 she was spending her days on little to no sleep, speed walking around the house, terrified of steps, hiding under the bed, behind the toilet, nearly constant crying, and screaming into corners of the house. I took her to the vet multiple times. She was unresponsive to Selegiline (it actually made it worse), gabapentin (helpful in the past, but not for this), hemp oil, leaving a light on at night, walks before bed, etc. It was terrifying to see her suffering and we decided to let her go.

Now that it’s happened, I am in shock over how much she was suffering at the end. With no clear answer on what caused this, I’m left feeling so confused and heartbroken. What could’ve put her in this place within a year’s time?

I am struggling so much over my dogs passing. She was 12 and it’s been 4 days. Her decline was so rapid. April 2025, she had amazing bloodwork results and the vet could not believe how healthy she was at her age. September 2025, I found a bump on her lip that turned out to be a mast cell tumour or lymphoma (the vet did not do further testing beyond cancerous cells as the treatment options for her were the same). By April 2026 she was up all night, could not sleep, was speed walking around the house frantically, screaming into corners, not eating, terrified of even the front steps, would stumble just walking, etc.

Because she was palliative and the vet recommended against anything invasive, we didn’t do further scans or testing beyond the biopsy of her tumour and bloodwork. Selegiline for possible CCD did not work. My head is spinning over what could’ve caused her so much misery at the end. How do I cope?

To start off, I am in therapy to address my deep guilt and regret. I’m just here to see if anybody has advice or has been through anything similar.

My ex husband and I got our girl back in 2014. She joined our other dog who we got in 2013. We ended up ending our relationship in 2020. He had the dogs, because I didn’t have a secure place to live. Fast forward to April 2025, our boy passed away. I know our girl was dealing with deep grief, and so was my ex. I ended up having her at my place not long after (since I then had a stable place to live) for a long weekend as he was travelling to see family. I think my ex was dealing with such deep grief that he had a harder time taking care of our girl, and she ended up slowly living with me full time. It was amazing. I was off work and got to spend every second with her.

Now that she has passed, I am dealing with immense guilt that she didn’t live the last year of her life with her favourite person. I don’t know how to get over this. Was that the reason she declined so quickly? I feel like I will never get over the guilt.

Has anybody fostered post loss? It’s only been 2 days since my beautiful girl went to doggy heaven. I am in excruciating pain and I’m considering opening our home to foster animals. I worry about feelings of betraying her if I take in another animal, but I also feel it could be honouring to her - that mama put grief into love toward helping another animal. I’m so torn. I’m in such a vulnerable place emotionally right now and I don’t know what to do. I have no other animals or children. Our house is just totally empty and dull without our girl.

I feel like I can’t breathe. I lost my 12 year old girl who was healthy her entire life, but got cancer and canine dementia within a few months of each other. Caring for her needs became my entire life and it was the biggest honour I’ve ever experienced. We had a home euthanasia and she went into peace snoring and I held her as she took her last breath.

Her medications are here. Her food bowl and water bowl are full. The silence is destroying me. I don’t know how to go on without my Ellie. The grief and pain of this is excruciating. I keep thinking my girl is going to be right around the corner. My entire body hurts. I can’t stop crying. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I would give anything, and I mean ANYTHING to have her back with me, just not suffering.

I feel like I can’t breathe. I lost my 12 year old girl who was healthy her entire life, but got cancer and canine dementia within a few months of each other. Caring for her needs became my entire life and it was the biggest honour I’ve ever experienced. We had a home euthanasia and she went into peace snoring and I held her as she took her last breath.

Her medications are here. Her food bowl and water bowl are full. The silence is destroying me. I don’t know how to go on without my Ellie. The grief and pain of this is excruciating. I keep thinking my girl is going to be right around the corner. My entire body hurts. I can’t stop crying. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I would give anything, and I mean ANYTHING to have her back with me, just not suffering.

I just lost my beautiful sweet girl today. I am devastated. I just learned that her ashes wont come in an urn, just a box. If you live in Canada, where did you order your urn from? Panicking that I won’t have anything to put my sweet baby in.

I’m glad to have found this sub. I had to make the most heartbreaking and agonizing decision of my life to lay my girl to rest early next week. Her vet, who she loves has graciously offered to come to our home. I got her when I was 18 years old, and now 12 years later I have no idea how I am going to live life without her. She’s been by my side through my entire adult life and she is the best love I’ve ever known.

Because of how upset and in distress I am, I want to make sure I’m not forgetting anything that I’ll regret afterward.

I am having her sent to doggy heaven at home as mentioned. For those who did this, are you glad that was your choice?

I am in constant distress over whether to bury her or cremate her. We will 100% be moving so it would crush me to leave her buried in our yard one day, but also the thought of her body being cremated in an oven is destroying me.

I am doing a kit with her this weekend to have a clay paw made, a paw print, a nose print, I’m saving some of her fur, feeding her the juiciest steak I can find, ziplock bagging one of her blankets to preserve her smell, and mustering up the strength to do a quick few photos holding her in our backyard.

Am I missing anything that helped you? How do I come to terms with cremation? I appreciate all of your thoughts. This is the most painful experience I have ever endured, but my girl deserves peace over anything I feel.