is it better to apologize for wrongdoings, or to say nothing at all?
basically when i was 18-19 i was not a very good person/lover. i frequently ghosted people, and some good people who didn’t deserve it. specifically this one girl who demonstrated far too much kindness and caring to me that scared me. toward the end of our situationship (a mutual one, at least i hope it was), she had suggested being together. that scared the shit out of me, i liked spending time with her without any commitment or explicit statement of love.
we dated years ago in high school and kept in touch. except in the 5 month period i blocked her on everything during an abusive situation i was in, but the we reconnected after i unblocked her on everything and added her social media.
i don’t think i treated her how she deserved during our period of reconnecting. we would sometimes argue and would both pull away, she would make attempts at reconciliation, and when i went back i was even more guarded and avoidant then before. i refused emotional closeness. yes, i am a disorganized avoidant, a complete vascillator. i thrive off of push and pull which i know isn’t healthy or fair to the people i date. our situation ended after an argument when i blocked her on everything once again in early 2024.
when i was moving out, i ended finding some things of hers about 4 months later and unblocked her to tell her, left them at my door for her, told her i didn’t want to talk to her at all aside from giving her her things back. i blocked her again after.
i often think of apologizing to her, not necessarily being back in contact, but just apologizing for pushing her away and acting kind of awful.
i want to know your thoughts, when you’ve hurt someone, is it better to say nothing at all later on when you’ve wronged and hurt someone, or is it more hurtful to apologize?
if you were hurt by someone who was avoidant or disorganized, do you think silence is better for your healing, or an apology down the road?
just curious, not necessarily seeking advice.