u/AffectionateCash6033

i long to love so badly. i don't think it's the fact that i'm constantly surrounded by love but i just want to experience what it's like to love someone. i've experienced crushes but any feelings stopped when they were reciprocated, or whenever we got closer. i cannot count on one hand the number of men i've talked to then blocked because i'd suddenly get disgusted at the thought of them wanting me romantically. i've been in so many situationships wherein i start planning on how to get out of it or reject them right after i can sense that they've caught feelings for me. i try and try and try but i just can't seem to love anyone romantically and i'm so incredibly repulsed by romance even though i long for it so bad and it feels like there's something fundamentally wrong with me as a human being because of this