So, Figured I post this here. Mainly to get it out of my mind fully, or at least try too. For the past 15+ Years I’ve been I various groups and it fandoms since I was about 15 or so. I’m barely 30 now, but I’ve done so many stupid, hyper sexual, and sometimes even Transphobic in nature that I tried to run from because it was caused by my own Poor management of mental health. But I kept falling into the same habits until the past few years, mainly this year too. I was actively trying to be a good person, be respectful about Not Safe For Work related topics to both adults and Minors.
But, one week ago; The whole shit Storm I was always avoiding hit like a Semi-Truck, I’ve been very aware that many artists I was or happened to be friends with….or considered friends at least had found out about various mistakes and actions I did in my earlier years of being online. Which did include Sexual Talk Minors about Characters and more. I can’t accept myself for doing it in any shape honestly; The fact I’m well aware now that it was a habit of trying to escape my own stress and overthinking from life doesn’t make it okay in any sense.
But, Suddenly the flood gates opened; I was labeled a Sexual Predator and straight up blacklisted as it feels from so many people. Banned from Servers I loved being in, and even blocked by various people I highly considered friends and artists I highly respected too. It drove me into such a dark headspace, and hell I’m still fighting myself about it. I know I can make up anything this point. Just accept the fact I’m just too damned mentally unstable at times to try to realize when something isn’t the right way of handling it. Until it’s too late, So I know I can’t ask forgiveness or even beg for it. I just have to buckle down accept I’m in the wrong, and just accept it completely.
Again, Sorry for anyone who reads this. I just….I just feel exhausted from Real Life and The Internet Life I had lost so quickly.