College rant
Im going to make this as straight to the point and short as I can, I’m 22 and I first started college at 18 after I graduated HS but due to some little depression, antidepressants,unexpected pregnancy at 19 and other home issues I was high 24/7 (before I found out I was pregnant)and failed/dropped a majority of my classes. Now I know I was really stupid and I beat myself up over it all the time considering it was community college and I had the whole 2 years funded cause of a scholarship. I finished the semester of 2024 on academic suspension and just focused on my baby.Anyways fast forward to dec 2025 and I signed up for classes again and was approved for financial aid . I went for my general studies because I was deciding on sonography or criminal justice so I signed up for class for both. Well my MT started in Feb and ends in couple days with my finals and my CJ was supposed to start in march and I turned in the first assignment we had but weather and bad internet didn’t turn it in and I just didn’t double check. Got dropped from the class, lost aid for that semester and had to pay the remaking fee for the semester which was $600. Now I have to write an appeal about what happened years 2022-2023 to get the aid back after the summer semester which as of now thank god it’s still covering. The problem now is that my medical terminology finale is coming up and I have pretty much mentally accepted that I’m failing, so much stuff has happened after march that I really fell behind in this class. And I feel like such a failure and have this feeling of doom all the time, I keep trying to calm myself down, my college offers other aid for school and I can try applying and my partner who is so patient and supportive already told me we will be financially fine with the school payments(he’s the only money maker). Now I won’t make an excuse for my slacking but there is some explanation, my mom moved to a different state and she was my rock. My babysitter most importantly, I had 80s at the beginning cause I was able to study at my pace. Now I’m struggling with a toddler and studying for this class that’s already draining, my other classes, cook clean and some me time that I refuse to lose. I don’t know how other people do it I feel like such a failure. And the cherry on top, my dad who got arrested on Christmas 2025 got diagnosed with lung cancer in march and I hate that it sent me into a spiral. I started freaking out about death, my future, financial aid , and just life I guess. I kept telling myself I’ll put in more work next week and now the exam is in a couple days and I just completely gave up, I have my criminal justice book and Ive already gone through in and I just LOVE it so much more. I start my CJ classes in a couple weeks but the thought of me losing financial aid makes me spiral into being a failure and I’m never going to make it far in life and I just beat myself down. I have a toddler and yes she’s my motivation I just can’t help but think I won’t be anything in life other than a mom and instead of motivating me it just makes me depressed and rot on the couch crying into my MT book. No matter how hard I try I just can’t get the material in my brain. Anyways I realize what I might need is a therapist but in the meantime some advice is welcomed.