u/Aenorrrr

i have been sa’d by a classmate about 5 years ago and its extremely engraved in my memory, i remember it everyday and feel horrible and physically sick even if it was something minor in my opinion. Which leads me to my problem, recently im starting to think that something else happened as well (my brain somehow automatically blames my father but i havent seen any weird behavior from him except the fact i feel uncomfy when he calls me pretty but that is harmless right?) i don’t know why, but when i was a bit younger i used to.. get off to the idea of being 🍇ed but i was like 10 so i dont know if it had smth to do with me watching internet videos really young (i dont have any memories of watching these kind of things though?) or if something really happened to me. I heard that some habits i have MIGHT be signs of experiencing SA as a child : trouble breathing (NOT from a medical problem like asthma or obesity), attention craving, acting out sa situations with dolls, characters etc as a child, dont remember my childhood well but somehow i remember the weird perverted things from my childhood and that worries me😭 also BIG THING i have a TERRIBLE fear of cameras, i always feel like theres a camera on me at all times especially when im changing, taking a shower and stuff. Im very clingy to teachers and basically adults that make me feel protected and safe and i have sleep issues. But the other problem is that it CAN be linked to my autism and anxiety OR i could be having an extreme trauma response to my "first" SA but i don’t know. Please help me