Broke up with PMDD partner of 3 years, here’s my stream of consciousness
Why it couldn’t be
You accused me of wanting to fuck my guy friends and panick attacked calls and texts when i was out eventually led me to stopping those outings
Your misandry made me feel small and unable to speak
Your complained complained complained
Every job you found had problems and you quit
You talked about killing yourself in regards to working, making me go silent on the financial burden of my portion of rent.
I stopped watching shows just because they had fan service because I didn’t want you to judge me or say anything. You didn’t care I’d just roll my eyes at the the fan service and enjoy the rest of the show a lot. I had panic attacks watching things when characters with big boobs or nudity showed up.
I stifled who I was and what I enjoyed because I didn’t want to draw your ire.
We all have to work somewhat. A complaint here or there is fine but sustained complaining burns out and demotivates me. I can’t handle it because it eats away at my drive to go and work to pay the bills. A 70/30 split of rent and bills sucks when you complain so much about earning your 30
Disassociating through your luteal phases. Yes dear, that sucks, I’m sorry
Molehills into mountains
Such big reactions
Then you told me everyone in you life told you made too big a deal of things. Maybe you do. I don’t want to invalidate you though.
Complaint about having to mask around my friends and family. It tired you so. Social things tire me too but I want someone who doesn’t tire so much and make it a big deal. Complaining about how straight everyone is. I’m sorry I didn’t have more queer friends. I never even thought about your friends being gay, interesting the double standard there
Breakdowns and panic attacks over what to wear. I’m so sorry you can’t see how beautiful you are. You even snapped at me early on how I shouldn’t call you beautiful or that I really didn’t think it. I called you beautiful a couple more times after that but then I stopped because the words felt hollow and you wouldn’t believe it.
Yelling at the dog, tearing down my cats toys, you overwhelm so easy. Wrapped up so tightly the slightest twinge snaps.
I’m sorry I couldn’t communicate better, I felt I couldn’t. Maybe these reasons can help you understand why. I don’t think this could have worked long term.
So many times you sold yourself short. Afraid of failure. You sowed the seeds of doubt in this relationship throughout. “Are you sure you want to be with me?” “I can just leave” I didn’t feel them then but you planted those seeds. I wanted to make this work. I understand now what you meant, when you said I fell in your trap.
Thanks for reading. It’s not all her fault I definitely have avoidant tendencies to work on but damn I’m empty and ready to move out and start re calibrating myself